True meaning of friendship

I’ve talked before about good friends.  What’s it mean to be a good friend.  I told you about my HS test, the cliff scenario.  Well, it’s time once again, yes, because I’ve procrastinated and I have an hour before Wed comes, it’s time for another quick blurb and story.  Here is my other scenario for separating the wheat from the chaff, or in this case, the real friends from the poser friends.

First of all, we all have friends.  It’s only natural because God has made us social animals.  However, the degree of friendship is not the same for everyone.  Some people may have lots of shallow friends, and they like it that way.  That’s, oh-kay.  If that’s what rings their bell, so be it.  Other people have just one or two close friends, and that’s it.  If that’s what tugs their boat, so be it for them.  I think the average human will have a circle of really close friends, and then a wider circle of friends.  But how can you find out for youself, which friend is close and which aren’t?  Is it by how often you talk to one another?  Is it by how much you can share with them?  Getting warmer, but still not quite my definition.  Is it how natural you can be around them?  As in, you don’t have to hide some flaws.  Getting there.  Almost.

But first, let’s take a moment (and some blog space to lengthen this otherwise very short column) and discuss the other definitions, and why I think they’re don’t entirely encapsulate the meaning of close friends.  First misconception is, the more you talk with someone, the better the friend.  This case is simply not true at all.  You or the friend could happen to be a great conversationalist.  They (or you.  In fact, let’s just assume “you” is a part of “they” for the rest of this paragraph…) can talk about anything, any time, any day.  You talk cars, they know Ferraris, and how fast they go.  You talk about politics, they’ll say things about the president and his foreign policies.  They are the trivialists, a Jack of conversations.  They know a lot of topics, but are masters of none.  Just because the person loves to talk, doesn’t mean they are your best friend.  It just means, they love to talk.  Sure, the chances are greater that the more you talk to the person, the more comfortable you both feel, and the more likely you open up more.  However, if that person has a terrible dark secret, and they can’t trust you, no matter how often you talk, that person isn’t going to reveal it.

Second, sharing a lot about personal lives is definitely a sign of a friend.  However, it’s still not enough to say they are your “best” or “closest” friends.  Knowing their great fears, or how their spiritual journey, may bring people closer, but it still won’t get you an invite to that awesome bash they’re throwing tomorrow night.  Ooh, I heard Ricky Martin will be there.  For example, I share a lot of things with some of my co-workers, but I still don’t “hang out” with them over the weekends.  Usually, they got their own thang, and I got mine.  So we talk about philosophy, and I even try to share the gospel with them, but it doesn’t necessarily mean I get invited to their wedding or to their kid’s birthday party.  Also, just like the first argument, some people feel quite natural sharing.  They can share their private most thoughts to anyone willing to hear.  Maybe they like the attention… who knows?

The final argument, being yourself, while an important Fortune Cookie answer, doesn’t mean “best” friends.  It means you have very accepting and open friends.  I find that most non-Christian friends are like that.  In general, they’re more accepting of your flaws than Christian friends.  I dunno why.  Maybe it has something to do with the fact that they don’t really see sin.  Or they never profess to be holy.  So if you lie, cheat, steal, they’re like, ok.  That’s just Nate being Nate.  But if I did that to a Christian compadre, I’m liable to end up in Church Jail or worse, have to attend a prayer meeting!  I’m kidding!  I kid, I kid!  Yes, you shouldn’t have to put on a mask when talking to your friends.  And eventually, no matter how hard you try, eventually you’ll let something slip.  The longer you know someone, the more your real “you” will be revealed.  And once that happens, it’s possible you guys are no longer friends.  And that would be a bad thing.  I think.