Boy, Wednesday already? This week goes by fast... Maybe every monday should be a holiday.
Here is the LOST CHAPTER IN GENESIS....
Adam was walking around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked him,
"What is wrong with you?"
Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.
God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.
He said,
"This person will gather food for you, cook for you, and when you discover clothing she'll wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it.
Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"
God replied, "An arm and a leg."
Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
The rest is history..
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Character (Pt 1)
I recently saw an old CSI episode, from one of the Chinese DVD sets that my mom bought for me for 10 dollars. That’s a full season of CSI for 10 American dollars. Here, it sells for $40, and she still complained about how expensive it was. Anyway, in one of the few discs that actually worked in my player, I was watching an episode where this 14 year-old boy died in his psychiatrist’s home. His psychiatrist claimed that he had a seizure and died. The CSI crew found Angora rug fiber on his body and underwear but not in his pants. Oh, and did I mention the psychiatrist was hot? At first, the CSI didn’t suspect anything, but then they found out that the psychiatrist had a rap sheet. She was charged with statutory rape. So naturally, they assumed she’s done it again. Never mind the fact that she’s a well-respected therapist and it happened 10 years ago with nothing wrong during that time. Oh, and then later it came out that concerning the rape case, she was 21 and the guy was 17. So, what’s the first thing they suspect? Yup, you can’t escape your past. All those good deeds she did, people would just assume she’s trying to “hide her past”.
It may take years to build a reputation but only one incident to tear it down. You could spend your whole life building orphanages, helping the poor, feeding the homeless, but you steal one dollar, and all that goes out the window. From then on, you’ll forever be known for that one little thing, instead of the hundreds of good works you’ve done. As I’ve mentioned before, what’s the first thing you think about when I say “Jimmy Swaggart”, “Jim Baker”, or “Michael Jackson” or “Bert and Ernie”.
Don’t worry, I’m not out of ideas yet that I have to show some reruns now. This is about something else. People judge others not by the good they do, but by their wrongs. This is especially true of the Christian community. Is it because Christians are afraid of being called a hypocrite? As Christians, we have cultivated this image, that we are going to be saved, while all the sinners are going to hell. So the doubters and atheists watch us closely for any sign of sin, so that they can point it out and thus prove their point. That we’re hypocrites who are going to hell as well. Or that because we sin, it proves that God doesn’t exist. It doesn’t help that we tell others how to live, what not to do, what to do. Naturally, the people who got rebuked will be looking closely at the rebuker so that they can get their retribution. Or if they’re deluding themselves, to “show them how it feels to be rebuked.”
I have no illusions to my saintlihood. I know I am not perfect, so when someone points out my problems, I accept it gratefully. It’s for the same reason that I don’t tell others what to do or not do. Because I take this verse to heart. “How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye’, when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?” (Mat 7:4) Or the more famous words, “Let he who is without sin throw the first stone”. (Some book where they were going to stone the adulterer) I know I have so many planks in my eye that I’m sure I could build an ark with them. Bigger than Noah’s.
I’m not perfect. When someone offends me, I get angry. I want to hurt them as much as they hurt me. Or when someone rebukes me, and tells me that I’m wrong, I have more than enough pride to feel insulted. I’m never wrong! Everyone else is wrong! I don’t fail, it’s the others who have let me down. That’s my alibi and I’m sticking with it.
It may take years to build a reputation but only one incident to tear it down. You could spend your whole life building orphanages, helping the poor, feeding the homeless, but you steal one dollar, and all that goes out the window. From then on, you’ll forever be known for that one little thing, instead of the hundreds of good works you’ve done. As I’ve mentioned before, what’s the first thing you think about when I say “Jimmy Swaggart”, “Jim Baker”, or “Michael Jackson” or “Bert and Ernie”.
Don’t worry, I’m not out of ideas yet that I have to show some reruns now. This is about something else. People judge others not by the good they do, but by their wrongs. This is especially true of the Christian community. Is it because Christians are afraid of being called a hypocrite? As Christians, we have cultivated this image, that we are going to be saved, while all the sinners are going to hell. So the doubters and atheists watch us closely for any sign of sin, so that they can point it out and thus prove their point. That we’re hypocrites who are going to hell as well. Or that because we sin, it proves that God doesn’t exist. It doesn’t help that we tell others how to live, what not to do, what to do. Naturally, the people who got rebuked will be looking closely at the rebuker so that they can get their retribution. Or if they’re deluding themselves, to “show them how it feels to be rebuked.”
I have no illusions to my saintlihood. I know I am not perfect, so when someone points out my problems, I accept it gratefully. It’s for the same reason that I don’t tell others what to do or not do. Because I take this verse to heart. “How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye’, when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?” (Mat 7:4) Or the more famous words, “Let he who is without sin throw the first stone”. (Some book where they were going to stone the adulterer) I know I have so many planks in my eye that I’m sure I could build an ark with them. Bigger than Noah’s.
I’m not perfect. When someone offends me, I get angry. I want to hurt them as much as they hurt me. Or when someone rebukes me, and tells me that I’m wrong, I have more than enough pride to feel insulted. I’m never wrong! Everyone else is wrong! I don’t fail, it’s the others who have let me down. That’s my alibi and I’m sticking with it.
Friday, May 26, 2006
Video: Super Mario Live!
Live Mario. Done in the Japanese matrix ping-pong video style . It's not as professional (there's a huge mistake near the end) but it's very entertaining. Brings back fond memories of the ole NES...
Guide to shooting
At long last, I found it! The official guide to rubber band wars! Now you can start wars with your co-workers today! What else is there to do on a Friday?
Profiting from pain?
If someone is in pain already, is it ok to profit from it? And I don't mean profit in the sense that the person will be in more pain or stress than they already are. "The Smoking Gun" , a website devoted to exposing secrets, has published a casting call for the next season of "Extreme Home Makeover". Some of the requests are interesting.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Church -> Wedding
If you’ve been following and paying attention to the past three journal entries, I think you can deduce what I’m going to write about today. But first, like all good soap operas, we need a recap! I first talked about the importance of siblings. Though you may fight and disagree with one another, nevertheless you share a common bond that can’t really be broken by time or distance. Then I talked about weddings, and how no matter what, you have to invite your siblings. It’s Rule Two in the Wedding Handbook, which a friend of mine had smuggled to me. Third, I talked about Church, and how throughout the history of the New Testament, the notion that we are all brothers and sisters has been drilled into our heads repeatedly. So what’s the final link?
If we invite our real-life siblings to our weddings, shouldn’t it be no less important that we invite our brothers and sisters in Christ to the weddings as well? It’s a tall order and idealistic to be sure. I’m not naïve to think that we should invite the whole Church, meaning the entire Christian body. And given the size of some churches nowadays, it’s certainly not feasible to even invite the entire congregation of a single church. However, while everyone is of the same Body, there is certainly a case to be made for fellowships or cell groups, that is, the group that you belong to within the Church, where you spend the most time praying, and enjoying their company. In this entry, I will give you my reasons why I feel you should invite all your brothers and sisters to your wedding, and rather than just say the “sky is falling”, I will endeavor to provide you with alternate methods of keeping wedding costs down, while still maintaining proper wedding etiquette as written in the Wedding Handbook. But first, let’s define our “brothers and sisters”.
By our very sinful nature, we are a selfish race. Though we often try to go outside ourselves, via charitable deeds, and other acts of selflessness, nevertheless, we can’t act against our basic natures for long. I’m not going to argue about this point, but just consider that one way people get you to volunteer is because “you’ll feel good about yourself”. That statement is a selfish motive. With large churches, it’s hard to feel community with everyone in the church. So, a common practice is for groups to be formed within the church, often based on age groups, but sometimes it can be based on hobbies as well. It is this group that I say are your brothers and sisters, because this is the group that you spend the most time.
First of all, as stated before, we must love the fellowship as true brothers and sisters. When one of us hurts, we all feel it. It’s idealistic to be sure, but aren’t all Jesus’ teachings idealistic? Nevertheless, we must still strive to fulfill his ideals on earth. That’s our calling. That shows our love for Jesus, when we try to live up to his teachings no matter how crazy it sounds. And there are other practical considerations as well.
You don’t want to burn your bridges, that is friendships within the fellowship. As reminded continually by other people, this is a small world. Who knows whether the person you diss may end up being your interviewer at your next job application! To pick and choose among your brothers and sisters is the ultimate diss of all. Especially if they believe themselves to be good friends of yours, only to find out that no, their invite didn’t get lost in the mail. How do you think they would feel? It’s never good to rank your brothers and sisters, just like it’s never good to ask your parents to choose which son or daughter they love the best. And if you invite some people while not others within your fellowship, yes, you are ranking. You are saying these are my wedding-worthy siblings, and the rest of you aren’t.
The second thing is that you aren’t putting your trust in God. It’s easy to say, put your trust in God, have faith. But when it really comes down to the real world, most people shy away. It’s understandable, there are many times when I didn’t truly put my faith in God. How are you not putting your faith in God? Because you’re looking at your pocketbook when you are deciding who to invite and who not to invite. When instead, you should be looking to God and asking Him for help. The Bible says that whatever you ask in His Name, according to His will, He will grant it (1 Jn 5:14). Do you honestly think that God wants you to divide the fellowship over this sacred event?
So, what else can you do? Short of a miracle, there are other ways to help your financial situation. I can think of two. One will rely on your trust in God, and one doesn’t, but the results aren’t as good. The cheaper alternative is to invite the entire fellowship to the wedding. After all, filling up a church is pretty cheap, and I have yet to attend a church where it was solidly packed. Instead of springing for such a nice beautiful cathedral, swallow your ego and use your house church. It’s always free for members. But this is the next important part, after the wedding, if you are unable to invite everyone to the dinner or lunch, then you must have a wedding reception. You can have light snacks, coldcuts or whatever, but you’re giving people a chance to see and talk to you and just mingle with other guests. This is rule 4 of the Wedding Handbook.
The other option is to get a loan for your wedding. This can be from a rich family member or good friend or even the bank. Then you must trust God that He will help you pay off the loan. It’s not unreasonable as well. I’ve heard from my co-workers that in fact, Vietnamese and Filipino weddings make a profit! Most likely it’s a culture thing, the guests in general give cash as a wedding gift. (Note: Rule 5 of the Wedding Handbook is don’t ask for cash. There’s no real nice way of doing it, and it sounds really tacky (I’ve seen one ok way of doing it, but I’m not going to divulge it, lest I encourage people in this heinous practice!)). Yes, there’s a chance that your wedding may not make a profit or whatever, but again, this is all part of the faith I was talking about. Remember, faith the size of a mustard seed, and God will move a mountain for you (or pay off your wedding debt which is probably the same thing)!
Anyway, if you would like a copy of my Wedding Handbook, please send $19.95 to me. All proceeds go to a good charity (my wedding fund).
If we invite our real-life siblings to our weddings, shouldn’t it be no less important that we invite our brothers and sisters in Christ to the weddings as well? It’s a tall order and idealistic to be sure. I’m not naïve to think that we should invite the whole Church, meaning the entire Christian body. And given the size of some churches nowadays, it’s certainly not feasible to even invite the entire congregation of a single church. However, while everyone is of the same Body, there is certainly a case to be made for fellowships or cell groups, that is, the group that you belong to within the Church, where you spend the most time praying, and enjoying their company. In this entry, I will give you my reasons why I feel you should invite all your brothers and sisters to your wedding, and rather than just say the “sky is falling”, I will endeavor to provide you with alternate methods of keeping wedding costs down, while still maintaining proper wedding etiquette as written in the Wedding Handbook. But first, let’s define our “brothers and sisters”.
By our very sinful nature, we are a selfish race. Though we often try to go outside ourselves, via charitable deeds, and other acts of selflessness, nevertheless, we can’t act against our basic natures for long. I’m not going to argue about this point, but just consider that one way people get you to volunteer is because “you’ll feel good about yourself”. That statement is a selfish motive. With large churches, it’s hard to feel community with everyone in the church. So, a common practice is for groups to be formed within the church, often based on age groups, but sometimes it can be based on hobbies as well. It is this group that I say are your brothers and sisters, because this is the group that you spend the most time.
First of all, as stated before, we must love the fellowship as true brothers and sisters. When one of us hurts, we all feel it. It’s idealistic to be sure, but aren’t all Jesus’ teachings idealistic? Nevertheless, we must still strive to fulfill his ideals on earth. That’s our calling. That shows our love for Jesus, when we try to live up to his teachings no matter how crazy it sounds. And there are other practical considerations as well.
You don’t want to burn your bridges, that is friendships within the fellowship. As reminded continually by other people, this is a small world. Who knows whether the person you diss may end up being your interviewer at your next job application! To pick and choose among your brothers and sisters is the ultimate diss of all. Especially if they believe themselves to be good friends of yours, only to find out that no, their invite didn’t get lost in the mail. How do you think they would feel? It’s never good to rank your brothers and sisters, just like it’s never good to ask your parents to choose which son or daughter they love the best. And if you invite some people while not others within your fellowship, yes, you are ranking. You are saying these are my wedding-worthy siblings, and the rest of you aren’t.
The second thing is that you aren’t putting your trust in God. It’s easy to say, put your trust in God, have faith. But when it really comes down to the real world, most people shy away. It’s understandable, there are many times when I didn’t truly put my faith in God. How are you not putting your faith in God? Because you’re looking at your pocketbook when you are deciding who to invite and who not to invite. When instead, you should be looking to God and asking Him for help. The Bible says that whatever you ask in His Name, according to His will, He will grant it (1 Jn 5:14). Do you honestly think that God wants you to divide the fellowship over this sacred event?
So, what else can you do? Short of a miracle, there are other ways to help your financial situation. I can think of two. One will rely on your trust in God, and one doesn’t, but the results aren’t as good. The cheaper alternative is to invite the entire fellowship to the wedding. After all, filling up a church is pretty cheap, and I have yet to attend a church where it was solidly packed. Instead of springing for such a nice beautiful cathedral, swallow your ego and use your house church. It’s always free for members. But this is the next important part, after the wedding, if you are unable to invite everyone to the dinner or lunch, then you must have a wedding reception. You can have light snacks, coldcuts or whatever, but you’re giving people a chance to see and talk to you and just mingle with other guests. This is rule 4 of the Wedding Handbook.
The other option is to get a loan for your wedding. This can be from a rich family member or good friend or even the bank. Then you must trust God that He will help you pay off the loan. It’s not unreasonable as well. I’ve heard from my co-workers that in fact, Vietnamese and Filipino weddings make a profit! Most likely it’s a culture thing, the guests in general give cash as a wedding gift. (Note: Rule 5 of the Wedding Handbook is don’t ask for cash. There’s no real nice way of doing it, and it sounds really tacky (I’ve seen one ok way of doing it, but I’m not going to divulge it, lest I encourage people in this heinous practice!)). Yes, there’s a chance that your wedding may not make a profit or whatever, but again, this is all part of the faith I was talking about. Remember, faith the size of a mustard seed, and God will move a mountain for you (or pay off your wedding debt which is probably the same thing)!
Anyway, if you would like a copy of my Wedding Handbook, please send $19.95 to me. All proceeds go to a good charity (my wedding fund).
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Wednesday Joke
Here's a joke to get you through the rest of the week!
The Pope, Billy Graham, and Oral Roberts were in a three-way plane crash over the Pacific Ocean. They all died and went to heaven together.
"Oh, this is terrible," exclaims St. Peter, "I know you guys think we summoned you here, but this is just one of those coincidences that happen. Since we weren't expecting you, your quarters just aren't ready... We can't take you in and we can't send you back...."
Then he got an idea. He picked up the phone, "Lucifer, this is Pete. Hey, I got these three guys up here. They're ours, but we weren't expecting them, and we gotta fix the place up for 'em. I was hoping you could put them up for a while. It'll only be a couple of days. What d'ya say?"
Reluctantly, the Devil agreed.
However, two days later, St. Peter got a call.
"Pete, Lu. Hey, you gotta come get these three clowns.
This Pope fellow is forgiving everybody,
the Graham guy is saving everybody,
and that Oral Roberts has raised enough money to buy air conditioning."
The Pope, Billy Graham, and Oral Roberts were in a three-way plane crash over the Pacific Ocean. They all died and went to heaven together.
"Oh, this is terrible," exclaims St. Peter, "I know you guys think we summoned you here, but this is just one of those coincidences that happen. Since we weren't expecting you, your quarters just aren't ready... We can't take you in and we can't send you back...."
Then he got an idea. He picked up the phone, "Lucifer, this is Pete. Hey, I got these three guys up here. They're ours, but we weren't expecting them, and we gotta fix the place up for 'em. I was hoping you could put them up for a while. It'll only be a couple of days. What d'ya say?"
Reluctantly, the Devil agreed.
However, two days later, St. Peter got a call.
"Pete, Lu. Hey, you gotta come get these three clowns.
This Pope fellow is forgiving everybody,
the Graham guy is saving everybody,
and that Oral Roberts has raised enough money to buy air conditioning."
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Siblings->Church
Since the book of Acts and thereafter, the authors started calling other Christians as brothers. This practice was taken to the extreme by the Catholic Church as a ranking order within the Church. Those who haven’t taken the priesthood vows are called Brothers and Sisters. However, they perform the same work as priests do. Those who have taken the vows are called Fathers and Mothers. In the Protestant Church, we call everyone within the church “brother” and “sister”, just as the early Church leaders did. But have we really thought about the implication of those words?
There’s one verse in the Bible that has really made me look at church in a totally different light. “Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.” (1 Peter 3:8-9) Most likely, you have read this passage before, and thought to yourself, “Yeah, I love my brothers and sisters.” But have you really thought about that word, love?
One time during fellowship, we were talking about this topic. And several people answered that yes, they do love everyone in the fellowship, but they don’t like everyone. Wait a minute, that sounds wrong to me. How can you love everyone but not like everyone? Isn’t love a deeper feeling than like? I can see people liking each other, and not loving one another, but not the opposite. Imagine yourself in the secular world, or in the world of relationships. Can you say to your significant other, “I love you but I don’t like you.” What does that mean? You care about the other person and yet you can’t stand to be around them? What?
Perhaps it’s a case of different definitions of love. People who tell me that they can love someone but not like them often say they feel agape love for the Church. Well, whatever you call it, it should be the same love that Paul describes in the now famous passage, which is quoted in 3 out of 4 weddings. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Co 13:4-8) For me, I have a simple test for love. Would I die for this person?
That might be a little too extreme, even though it is the exact kind of test that Jesus made for all of us. Here’s a more palatable test. “If someone is hanging on the edge of a cliff, would I risk my life to save them?” Well, that question is a pretty easy one to answer, as I’m sure a lot of people would risk their lives to save complete strangers. It’s the humanity or the soul of a person to do such. More accurately, the question should be phrased, “Given the myriad ways to save someone, such as calling for help, using a rope to lower yourself down, or simply try to rescue the person by yourself, which method would I use to save this person?” See? It’s too wordy to make a very good test, so I shortened it. But the intent is the same. The question hinges on how important the person is to you, and correlates that fact with how urgent you would try to save that person. For example, if your mother was hanging on the cliff, you probably wouldn’t give any thought on alternative and safer ways to save your mom. You’d probably just dive down and grab her (unless of course, you hate your mom or something). Now imagine the same scenario for your SO, teacher, or finally someone you dislike, like say the IRS agent or the guy who just cut you off!
Anyway, I’m getting off-track here as usual. My point is, if you didn’t like someone, would you be willing to risk your life for him? Probably not. At the very least, you’d call people for help, or maybe you’d throw him a stick or something to pull himself up. But if that’s the case, is that really love? Let’s look at Paul’s definition again. Love is not easily angered and keeps no record of wrongs. That is a key point, one that many people conveniently forget. One of the major reasons you don’t like a guy (or girl, ok I’m having hard time coming up with gender-neutral synonyms, so from now on, any time I refer to a sex, I also mean the other sex too) is because he did something to you, rubbed you the wrong way maybe. Maybe he’s got some habits you just can’t stand (gossip, flaking out). But love doesn’t keep records. So it should be a blank slate every time you meet him. That’s what love is. So for me, love has to mean you like the person, because love is a deeper emotion.
Before signing off, I will grant one thing. Like can also be defined as a temporary thing. For example, I love my sister, but there are times when I don’t like her. For example, after we have an argument, I might not like her for a little bit. But that doesn’t mean I don’t love her. Love is more permanent. If you use that argument for not liking someone, that’s fine. I accept that. But in reality, I don’t see this as always the case. When people don’t like each other in the Church setting, it doesn’t seem to be a temporary thing. Rarely do they make up and start hanging out with one another again. This is not the case with my sister. Though I may not like her for some time, I know that we will like each other again, because we have that foundation of love. Sorry for the long post, but hang in there, I think you can almost see where I’m going from here. If not, wait till next time to find out!
There’s one verse in the Bible that has really made me look at church in a totally different light. “Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.” (1 Peter 3:8-9) Most likely, you have read this passage before, and thought to yourself, “Yeah, I love my brothers and sisters.” But have you really thought about that word, love?
One time during fellowship, we were talking about this topic. And several people answered that yes, they do love everyone in the fellowship, but they don’t like everyone. Wait a minute, that sounds wrong to me. How can you love everyone but not like everyone? Isn’t love a deeper feeling than like? I can see people liking each other, and not loving one another, but not the opposite. Imagine yourself in the secular world, or in the world of relationships. Can you say to your significant other, “I love you but I don’t like you.” What does that mean? You care about the other person and yet you can’t stand to be around them? What?
Perhaps it’s a case of different definitions of love. People who tell me that they can love someone but not like them often say they feel agape love for the Church. Well, whatever you call it, it should be the same love that Paul describes in the now famous passage, which is quoted in 3 out of 4 weddings. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Co 13:4-8) For me, I have a simple test for love. Would I die for this person?
That might be a little too extreme, even though it is the exact kind of test that Jesus made for all of us. Here’s a more palatable test. “If someone is hanging on the edge of a cliff, would I risk my life to save them?” Well, that question is a pretty easy one to answer, as I’m sure a lot of people would risk their lives to save complete strangers. It’s the humanity or the soul of a person to do such. More accurately, the question should be phrased, “Given the myriad ways to save someone, such as calling for help, using a rope to lower yourself down, or simply try to rescue the person by yourself, which method would I use to save this person?” See? It’s too wordy to make a very good test, so I shortened it. But the intent is the same. The question hinges on how important the person is to you, and correlates that fact with how urgent you would try to save that person. For example, if your mother was hanging on the cliff, you probably wouldn’t give any thought on alternative and safer ways to save your mom. You’d probably just dive down and grab her (unless of course, you hate your mom or something). Now imagine the same scenario for your SO, teacher, or finally someone you dislike, like say the IRS agent or the guy who just cut you off!
Anyway, I’m getting off-track here as usual. My point is, if you didn’t like someone, would you be willing to risk your life for him? Probably not. At the very least, you’d call people for help, or maybe you’d throw him a stick or something to pull himself up. But if that’s the case, is that really love? Let’s look at Paul’s definition again. Love is not easily angered and keeps no record of wrongs. That is a key point, one that many people conveniently forget. One of the major reasons you don’t like a guy (or girl, ok I’m having hard time coming up with gender-neutral synonyms, so from now on, any time I refer to a sex, I also mean the other sex too) is because he did something to you, rubbed you the wrong way maybe. Maybe he’s got some habits you just can’t stand (gossip, flaking out). But love doesn’t keep records. So it should be a blank slate every time you meet him. That’s what love is. So for me, love has to mean you like the person, because love is a deeper emotion.
Before signing off, I will grant one thing. Like can also be defined as a temporary thing. For example, I love my sister, but there are times when I don’t like her. For example, after we have an argument, I might not like her for a little bit. But that doesn’t mean I don’t love her. Love is more permanent. If you use that argument for not liking someone, that’s fine. I accept that. But in reality, I don’t see this as always the case. When people don’t like each other in the Church setting, it doesn’t seem to be a temporary thing. Rarely do they make up and start hanging out with one another again. This is not the case with my sister. Though I may not like her for some time, I know that we will like each other again, because we have that foundation of love. Sorry for the long post, but hang in there, I think you can almost see where I’m going from here. If not, wait till next time to find out!
Monday, May 22, 2006
The RIGHT way to pour ketchup
Actually, I was taught this method about 10 years ago from a Johnny Rockets of all places. Well, I guess it makes sense, since they're all about the ketchup. Anyway, this page explains the right way and why it's the right way (which I didn't know...i just knew how to do it) And so ends today's lesson! =)
US Gas Price Temperature Map
An interesting look at gas prices around the nation. It's color-coded for easy viewing! WIth the rocketing rates at the pump, it's nice to be able to see how the rest of the country is doing. Glad to see our county isn't the highest! :)
Friday, May 19, 2006
Game: Warhog Launch
Friday! Time for games!
This took me a while to figure out, but it's quite simple. Launch the warthog so it crashes the aliens. You don't shoot the aliens like I initially thought. There are 3 sliders on the bottom. The left most (big slider) places the warthog anywhere horizontally on the ground. The top right slider controls the angle of the explosion to launch the warthog. The bottom right slider controls the power of the explosion (ie the farther and faster it spins). Give it a whirl.
This took me a while to figure out, but it's quite simple. Launch the warthog so it crashes the aliens. You don't shoot the aliens like I initially thought. There are 3 sliders on the bottom. The left most (big slider) places the warthog anywhere horizontally on the ground. The top right slider controls the angle of the explosion to launch the warthog. The bottom right slider controls the power of the explosion (ie the farther and faster it spins). Give it a whirl.
New Horror Trailer
Now this is pretty much the opposite of the Shining Trailer, a romantic comedy. One of the creepiest movies (for guys) has a new trailer for it. Check it out. Sleepless in Seattle.
Bored detector
Computer that can tell when someone is bored? I'm sure pastors and Sunday School leaders would love this device! Check it out here!
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Siblings->Weddings
It’s summer time, which means wedding time. As my friends approach that age known as senility, they all decide to forsake fun for boring. Err I mean, they’re all getting married, resigning themselves to smelling each other’s bad breath every morning, day after day, year after year. And soon after, all their vitality will be sucked dry with worries about bills. And then they’ll start trying to have kids, followed by wishing the kids will hurry up and leave the house so they can be alone again.
Sorry, I got carried away there. Anyway, back to weddings. Has anyone noticed how weddings and funerals are so similar to each other? They’re two events where there’s usually a dinner afterward, and everyone dresses up really nice. They both have pastors presiding over it. However, in one ceremony, the celebrants involved are worried about making sure all the guests are entertained, while in the other, they don’t care what happens during the ceremony.
There’s one other very important, and more serious distinction between the two. In a funeral, everyone is welcome to attend. In fact, people announce it to the world, via obituaries in the newspapers and giving a time and date when the funeral will happen. However, marriages are more selective. You need a written invitation to show up, unless you’re one of those professional wedding crashers. Weddings as such, is another way to show everyone who the friends are and who are mere ‘acquaintances’. And the couple getting married will rank their friends too. See, the closest friends are invited to the innermost circle, the bridal party. They get to stand up with the bride and groom and let everyone attending know exactly who the real close friends are. Of course, even among the close friends, there is a “best” man and a maid of “honor”, meaning out of all the close friends, these are the closest of the closest. Anyway, the next step down are the wedding workers. Contrary to conventional wisdom, it’s an honor to work at the wedding. I'm not sure why. You get all sweaty and nervous and you don't get paid on top of it! But you do get to wear these flowers that distinguish you from the other “riffraff”. Plus you get to eat at a special pre-wedding banquet. The next ring of friends is the “dinner friends” circle. These are the people who are invited to the post-wedding banquet. Because dinner tables are expensive and unless the couple is filthy rich, they need to carefully decide who is worthy to eat and who should go home hungry. After that ring, there is still one more group. These are the people who are just invited to the wedding ceremony, but not the dinner. Since this is not usually constrained by money, but by the church space, more people can be invited to attend. And for those who aren’t even invited to the ceremony, well….tough luck. I guess that Restraining Order really means you can’t be friends. Heh, ok, just kidding about the last part.
I’m probably oversimplifying it a little, but not by much. The thing is (watch how masterfully I’m able to connect siblings to weddings) you would (yeah, it’s coming up now, watch and be amazed) definitely invite (ok, last pause, but you’ll kick yourself for not figuring it out sooner!) your sibling(s) to your wedding right? Even the ones you don’t really like, you still will invite them. Why? Because they’re family and under the eyes of the government, they’re immediate family. Even if you have 12 brothers and sisters, I’m pretty sure you’re going to invite them all and have them wear special flowers that say, “I’m closely related to the couple”. It’s a given. If you have a brother in Germany, you just know he’s going to fly his entire family to the wedding, why? Because he loves you? Yeah right, get real. No it’s because you’re family. Because if he doesn't come, boy will he get an earful from Mom and Dad! You don't want that, believe me!
(Wait! We're not done yet! Stay tuned for next week! Ooh the anticipation!)
Sorry, I got carried away there. Anyway, back to weddings. Has anyone noticed how weddings and funerals are so similar to each other? They’re two events where there’s usually a dinner afterward, and everyone dresses up really nice. They both have pastors presiding over it. However, in one ceremony, the celebrants involved are worried about making sure all the guests are entertained, while in the other, they don’t care what happens during the ceremony.
There’s one other very important, and more serious distinction between the two. In a funeral, everyone is welcome to attend. In fact, people announce it to the world, via obituaries in the newspapers and giving a time and date when the funeral will happen. However, marriages are more selective. You need a written invitation to show up, unless you’re one of those professional wedding crashers. Weddings as such, is another way to show everyone who the friends are and who are mere ‘acquaintances’. And the couple getting married will rank their friends too. See, the closest friends are invited to the innermost circle, the bridal party. They get to stand up with the bride and groom and let everyone attending know exactly who the real close friends are. Of course, even among the close friends, there is a “best” man and a maid of “honor”, meaning out of all the close friends, these are the closest of the closest. Anyway, the next step down are the wedding workers. Contrary to conventional wisdom, it’s an honor to work at the wedding. I'm not sure why. You get all sweaty and nervous and you don't get paid on top of it! But you do get to wear these flowers that distinguish you from the other “riffraff”. Plus you get to eat at a special pre-wedding banquet. The next ring of friends is the “dinner friends” circle. These are the people who are invited to the post-wedding banquet. Because dinner tables are expensive and unless the couple is filthy rich, they need to carefully decide who is worthy to eat and who should go home hungry. After that ring, there is still one more group. These are the people who are just invited to the wedding ceremony, but not the dinner. Since this is not usually constrained by money, but by the church space, more people can be invited to attend. And for those who aren’t even invited to the ceremony, well….tough luck. I guess that Restraining Order really means you can’t be friends. Heh, ok, just kidding about the last part.
I’m probably oversimplifying it a little, but not by much. The thing is (watch how masterfully I’m able to connect siblings to weddings) you would (yeah, it’s coming up now, watch and be amazed) definitely invite (ok, last pause, but you’ll kick yourself for not figuring it out sooner!) your sibling(s) to your wedding right? Even the ones you don’t really like, you still will invite them. Why? Because they’re family and under the eyes of the government, they’re immediate family. Even if you have 12 brothers and sisters, I’m pretty sure you’re going to invite them all and have them wear special flowers that say, “I’m closely related to the couple”. It’s a given. If you have a brother in Germany, you just know he’s going to fly his entire family to the wedding, why? Because he loves you? Yeah right, get real. No it’s because you’re family. Because if he doesn't come, boy will he get an earful from Mom and Dad! You don't want that, believe me!
(Wait! We're not done yet! Stay tuned for next week! Ooh the anticipation!)
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Don't worry
I should have posted this poem last week as it was most fitting with what I wrote about. Anyway, better late than never, right? Enjoy.
She sets my plate before me,
scrambled eggs and ham with toast,
hers the same but with eggs over easy.
I ask her not to tell anyone about my leg
so she tells me she's not going out,
hang out with her friends this weekend
and I look up and tell her to stop worrying
then she stops with the empty plates in her hand,
her lined, freckled face with her brown
eyebrows up like a tepee and she says,
"I worry because I love you."
She sets my plate before me,
scrambled eggs and ham with toast,
hers the same but with eggs over easy.
I ask her not to tell anyone about my leg
so she tells me she's not going out,
hang out with her friends this weekend
and I look up and tell her to stop worrying
then she stops with the empty plates in her hand,
her lined, freckled face with her brown
eyebrows up like a tepee and she says,
"I worry because I love you."
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Siblings
Brothers and Sisters
As a kid, I always wanted to have brothers and sisters. An only child for 7 years, I was always envious of my friends and family, who had siblings close to their own age. I remember clearly one time at school, we were asked to draw a picture of our family. Not content with “reality” (pshaw, what’s that), I drew a picture of my father, my mom, myself, and 5 other siblings, 2 brothers and 3 sisters. I suppose even at this early age, TV already greatly influenced me. But, back then, I wasn’t consciously thinking about Brady Bunch, rather I had some very good reasons to want 5 others. However, after racking my brain for a few minutes, I can’t remember them. But I can personally assure you, they were very good reasons.
My mom is very fond of telling this story about when her sister had another baby. I asked my mom if she would mind giving us her baby. When my mom asked me what about my aunt, won’t she miss the baby, I had replied that she could always have another one. I guess it never occurred to me that my own mom could also have one. I suppose I figured I was such a perfect child, that my mom could no longer bear children, or something. I don’t know, I was a kid then. Who knows what I was thinking about? I looked at everyone, and they all had one sibling. Every Sunday, when I played with my cousins, they all were paired up, except me. I was like the “what’s wrong with this picture” Sesame Street bit. And when my mom was finally pregnant, I couldn’t wait to tell everyone. I told my teacher, my friends, the principal, anyone willing to listen to a 7 year old kid. When my mom came to pick me up that afternoon, boy she was surprised when all these strangers started to congratulate her. I’m still baffled how she knew it was I who blabbed. I’m like a roach motel… secrets check in, but they don’t check out.
Unlike the typical sibling jealousy, I welcomed my sister. I think my mom was worried whether I would be jealous of sharing my parents’ love with another person, like you see in all those sitcoms. But I didn’t have the problem. In fact, I loved to always hold her. Granted, I dropped her a couple times, but then who doesn’t do that once in a while? I mean, they’re slippery, like eels. As we grew up, we were always pretty close. Sure, I teased her a lot, but that’s for her own good. I didn’t want a sissy sister, who can’t do anything for herself. I taught her how to punch, how to throw, how to protect herself. I also showed her what good movies are, like “Terminator 2” and “Spaceballs”, and to stay away from terrible movies, like “Notting Hill” or “Wedding Planner”. I also taught her history, like “Ice Ice Baby” stole Queen’s riff from “Under Pressure”. And that “Living on a Prayer” from Stellar Kart was actually a remake of a Bon Jovi song. I forced her to watch and later appreciate such great shows such as “Growing Pains” and “Night Court” and that critically-acclaimed yet under-appreciated “Firefly” (the best TV show evar!). You know, important things she needs to know to make it through this life.
Though I don’t say it much, I love my sister. Whenever I need a “female and hip” viewpoint, she’s always someone I can confide in. Yes my mother is female, but I said hip, as in someone who’s always known that Germany was one country. Though she’s away in college, we always find ways to keep in touch with one another, whether it’s through chat or trading emails. And though sometimes we get on each other’s nerves, we know it’s temporary and it will pass. After all, we’re stuck with each other no matter what. Perhaps because of that sort of bond, we’re able to open up with one another. No matter what we do or say to each other, we’re not going to stop caring for each other. There’s a reason that I’m being so sappy right now. No, it’s not her birthday or anything, but it does lead me to my next point. Weddings! (Duh!)
As a kid, I always wanted to have brothers and sisters. An only child for 7 years, I was always envious of my friends and family, who had siblings close to their own age. I remember clearly one time at school, we were asked to draw a picture of our family. Not content with “reality” (pshaw, what’s that), I drew a picture of my father, my mom, myself, and 5 other siblings, 2 brothers and 3 sisters. I suppose even at this early age, TV already greatly influenced me. But, back then, I wasn’t consciously thinking about Brady Bunch, rather I had some very good reasons to want 5 others. However, after racking my brain for a few minutes, I can’t remember them. But I can personally assure you, they were very good reasons.
My mom is very fond of telling this story about when her sister had another baby. I asked my mom if she would mind giving us her baby. When my mom asked me what about my aunt, won’t she miss the baby, I had replied that she could always have another one. I guess it never occurred to me that my own mom could also have one. I suppose I figured I was such a perfect child, that my mom could no longer bear children, or something. I don’t know, I was a kid then. Who knows what I was thinking about? I looked at everyone, and they all had one sibling. Every Sunday, when I played with my cousins, they all were paired up, except me. I was like the “what’s wrong with this picture” Sesame Street bit. And when my mom was finally pregnant, I couldn’t wait to tell everyone. I told my teacher, my friends, the principal, anyone willing to listen to a 7 year old kid. When my mom came to pick me up that afternoon, boy she was surprised when all these strangers started to congratulate her. I’m still baffled how she knew it was I who blabbed. I’m like a roach motel… secrets check in, but they don’t check out.
Unlike the typical sibling jealousy, I welcomed my sister. I think my mom was worried whether I would be jealous of sharing my parents’ love with another person, like you see in all those sitcoms. But I didn’t have the problem. In fact, I loved to always hold her. Granted, I dropped her a couple times, but then who doesn’t do that once in a while? I mean, they’re slippery, like eels. As we grew up, we were always pretty close. Sure, I teased her a lot, but that’s for her own good. I didn’t want a sissy sister, who can’t do anything for herself. I taught her how to punch, how to throw, how to protect herself. I also showed her what good movies are, like “Terminator 2” and “Spaceballs”, and to stay away from terrible movies, like “Notting Hill” or “Wedding Planner”. I also taught her history, like “Ice Ice Baby” stole Queen’s riff from “Under Pressure”. And that “Living on a Prayer” from Stellar Kart was actually a remake of a Bon Jovi song. I forced her to watch and later appreciate such great shows such as “Growing Pains” and “Night Court” and that critically-acclaimed yet under-appreciated “Firefly” (the best TV show evar!). You know, important things she needs to know to make it through this life.
Though I don’t say it much, I love my sister. Whenever I need a “female and hip” viewpoint, she’s always someone I can confide in. Yes my mother is female, but I said hip, as in someone who’s always known that Germany was one country. Though she’s away in college, we always find ways to keep in touch with one another, whether it’s through chat or trading emails. And though sometimes we get on each other’s nerves, we know it’s temporary and it will pass. After all, we’re stuck with each other no matter what. Perhaps because of that sort of bond, we’re able to open up with one another. No matter what we do or say to each other, we’re not going to stop caring for each other. There’s a reason that I’m being so sappy right now. No, it’s not her birthday or anything, but it does lead me to my next point. Weddings! (Duh!)
Monday, May 15, 2006
Benford's Law
Have you ever seen the show Numbers? Its basic premise is that pure math can be used to solve crimes. Well here's a practical application of that premise. A mathmetician is using a mathematical theorem, called Benford's Law, to predict tax fraud. It's pretty cool to see math in action... or not and I'm just a geek =)
Friday, May 12, 2006
Game: Nana Crash
It's Friday, and you know what that means!
Another strange game from Japan. You're a schoolgirl on a bike, and you crash into a guy and send him flying. Along the way if he hits certain people, he'll fly farther or higher. But there are people that will slow him down.
The furthest I went was 1485.
Another strange game from Japan. You're a schoolgirl on a bike, and you crash into a guy and send him flying. Along the way if he hits certain people, he'll fly farther or higher. But there are people that will slow him down.
The furthest I went was 1485.
Evolution of Dance
This is great! A guy starts from Elvis, and does an evolution of dance through the years in exactly 6 minutes. It's pretty funny... you can watch it here.
Sent in by the coolest cat I know: Kat.
Hey, a thought just occured to me: Will you be known as Dankat from now on? ;)
Sent in by the coolest cat I know: Kat.
Hey, a thought just occured to me: Will you be known as Dankat from now on? ;)
Thursday, May 11, 2006
All about Eve (or Mothers) Pt 2
Can you imagine what the life of Mary, the mother of Jesus must have been like? But before we go into this, let’s set the story straight. A lot of Christians have some funny notions about Mary, especially the Catholics. They treat Mary as something more than what she truly is, a mortal human who gave birth to Jesus. Catholics treat her as a saint, someone to be prayed to and revered. I had a conversation with someone who actually thought that Mary stayed a virgin throughout her life. How do you explain Jesus’ brothers and sisters then (see Matt 12:46)? I believe Mary was a virgin when she conceived Jesus, but after that, she and Joseph got married, and they made babies the old fashioned way.
I’m sure Mary worried about Jesus, probably more so than normal moms. Knowing that he was going to be the Messiah probably places a lot of burden on her. She probably thought that how Jesus acted would be a reflection on her. The listeners would all whisper to each other, “Isn’t that Mary’s kid? Boy he’s a little odd, I wonder if Mary dropped him on his head when he was a baby.” Ok, I made that last part up. But kids are definitely a representation of the parental upbringing. Even now, especially in Asian culture, how a kid behaves reflects the parental upbringing. If a kid is well-mannered and polite, people will think, “These parents have it all going on”. But if a kid starts yelling and running around the restaurant like a chicken with its head cut off, everyone starts blaming the parents… bad parenting. When Jesus started to piss off the Pharisees, I wonder what Mary must have thought. Or when she heard about Jesus walking on water, do you think she must have worried about whether he dressed warmly for the walk?
It’s pretty clear that Mary worried about Jesus. It wasn’t an easy childhood. As recorded in the Bible, Mary was worried that she lost her son on the way home from the yearly sacrifice. (see Luke 2:41-51) Can you imagine what must have gone through her head? “Oh no! I lost the Savior of the world! What will people think of me? They will think that I’m a horrible mother, and I don’t care as much about saving the world as they do.” I’m sure that’s not the first time she worried. Imagine! Taking care of the Son of God! How would God think if you had to spank the Holy One. Do you think she prayed for forgiveness every time she punished Jesus? Is misbehaving a sin? Since Jesus never sinned, I wonder if he ever misbehaved either. I know some people believe that his divinity didn’t come until after his baptism when the dove fell on him. Thus they believe he lived a normal life as a kid, getting into whatever mischief boys of his age get into. However, I don’t believe that. And that’s because of the verses that talk about when Mary did finally find Jesus. What did he say? "Dear woman, why do you involve me?" Jesus replied, "My time has not yet come." Wow! Did you read that? He called her woman! Boy, I wonder if Mary punished him after that? I know my mom would have knocked the silly out of me if I called her that!
What about the miracles Jesus performed? Do you think Mary got used to it? When he skinned his knee, can you imagine Mary saying, “Oh stop your crying and go heal yourself!” Or when she needs more bread, does she ask him to multiply the loaves? I wonder what kind of miracles Jesus did do when he was growing up. And yes, before you ask, I believe Mary was well aware of Jesus’ power. How? Well easy, the Marriage in Cana (John 2:1-11). When the wedding ran out of wine, who did Mary run to asking for help? Her son of course! I can just see Jesus there having a good time, hanging out with his friends, when his mother taps him on the shoulder. “Psst, son, we’re out of wine!” Jesus looks at her and says basically he’s busy. This isn’t the time yet to let people know about him. But, I guess she feels responsible or something, and she pressures him. “Can’t you just, you know, wiggle your fingers or something? It’ll take you all of 10 minutes, and then you can go back to talking with your friends! Honestly! After all that time of labor I had with you, and the worrying I’ve done for you, the least you could do is do me this one small favor!” Well, you know the results. You can’t resist the mother guilt trip (tm). There’s nothing in the world invented that can withstand the full force of that power. Luckily for me, my mom didn’t use that power too often.
So as this Mother’s Day comes around, and you’re considering blowing it off or by just giving her flowers and a card, just remember this: The time and pain she had to go through just to bear you, not to mention the 9 months previously feeling fat and having to walk around carrying an extra person insider her. The least you could do is buy her dinner, and no, Pizza Hut doesn’t count as dinner! (A sitdown place!) along with the flowers and candy and you have to sing the all-important Mother’s Day song. You know it, it was taught to you during elementary school specifically to celebrate Mother’s Day. Ok, everyone, sing along with me:
M is for the million things she gave me.
O means only that she's growing old
T is for the tears she shed to save me
H is for her heart of purest gold
E is for her eyes of love-light shining
R means right and right she'll always be
I’m sure Mary worried about Jesus, probably more so than normal moms. Knowing that he was going to be the Messiah probably places a lot of burden on her. She probably thought that how Jesus acted would be a reflection on her. The listeners would all whisper to each other, “Isn’t that Mary’s kid? Boy he’s a little odd, I wonder if Mary dropped him on his head when he was a baby.” Ok, I made that last part up. But kids are definitely a representation of the parental upbringing. Even now, especially in Asian culture, how a kid behaves reflects the parental upbringing. If a kid is well-mannered and polite, people will think, “These parents have it all going on”. But if a kid starts yelling and running around the restaurant like a chicken with its head cut off, everyone starts blaming the parents… bad parenting. When Jesus started to piss off the Pharisees, I wonder what Mary must have thought. Or when she heard about Jesus walking on water, do you think she must have worried about whether he dressed warmly for the walk?
It’s pretty clear that Mary worried about Jesus. It wasn’t an easy childhood. As recorded in the Bible, Mary was worried that she lost her son on the way home from the yearly sacrifice. (see Luke 2:41-51) Can you imagine what must have gone through her head? “Oh no! I lost the Savior of the world! What will people think of me? They will think that I’m a horrible mother, and I don’t care as much about saving the world as they do.” I’m sure that’s not the first time she worried. Imagine! Taking care of the Son of God! How would God think if you had to spank the Holy One. Do you think she prayed for forgiveness every time she punished Jesus? Is misbehaving a sin? Since Jesus never sinned, I wonder if he ever misbehaved either. I know some people believe that his divinity didn’t come until after his baptism when the dove fell on him. Thus they believe he lived a normal life as a kid, getting into whatever mischief boys of his age get into. However, I don’t believe that. And that’s because of the verses that talk about when Mary did finally find Jesus. What did he say? "Dear woman, why do you involve me?" Jesus replied, "My time has not yet come." Wow! Did you read that? He called her woman! Boy, I wonder if Mary punished him after that? I know my mom would have knocked the silly out of me if I called her that!
What about the miracles Jesus performed? Do you think Mary got used to it? When he skinned his knee, can you imagine Mary saying, “Oh stop your crying and go heal yourself!” Or when she needs more bread, does she ask him to multiply the loaves? I wonder what kind of miracles Jesus did do when he was growing up. And yes, before you ask, I believe Mary was well aware of Jesus’ power. How? Well easy, the Marriage in Cana (John 2:1-11). When the wedding ran out of wine, who did Mary run to asking for help? Her son of course! I can just see Jesus there having a good time, hanging out with his friends, when his mother taps him on the shoulder. “Psst, son, we’re out of wine!” Jesus looks at her and says basically he’s busy. This isn’t the time yet to let people know about him. But, I guess she feels responsible or something, and she pressures him. “Can’t you just, you know, wiggle your fingers or something? It’ll take you all of 10 minutes, and then you can go back to talking with your friends! Honestly! After all that time of labor I had with you, and the worrying I’ve done for you, the least you could do is do me this one small favor!” Well, you know the results. You can’t resist the mother guilt trip (tm). There’s nothing in the world invented that can withstand the full force of that power. Luckily for me, my mom didn’t use that power too often.
So as this Mother’s Day comes around, and you’re considering blowing it off or by just giving her flowers and a card, just remember this: The time and pain she had to go through just to bear you, not to mention the 9 months previously feeling fat and having to walk around carrying an extra person insider her. The least you could do is buy her dinner, and no, Pizza Hut doesn’t count as dinner! (A sitdown place!) along with the flowers and candy and you have to sing the all-important Mother’s Day song. You know it, it was taught to you during elementary school specifically to celebrate Mother’s Day. Ok, everyone, sing along with me:
M is for the million things she gave me.
O means only that she's growing old
T is for the tears she shed to save me
H is for her heart of purest gold
E is for her eyes of love-light shining
R means right and right she'll always be
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Wed Humor
Ahh, the triumphant return of the Wednesday Joke! It's been hard trying to find religious jokes. Well, I got one. I cleaned it up a little.
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous On the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. Then, he proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the crap out of him.
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me" .
12)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
13)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
:D
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous On the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. Then, he proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the crap out of him.
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me" .
12)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
13)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
:D
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
All about Eve (or Mothers) Pt 1
As this week unfailingly marches toward its goal, Mother’s Day, I will be like the flower guy in front of the procession, festooning the path with meager morsels of prose, in the vain hopes of getting you in the spirit as it were. In other words, this week’s essay is going to be about moms, which will hopefully spur you to celebrate Mother’s Day with your mom or any mother.
My mom had to get a Caesarian for me because I got too big to go out the normal way. Truth was I was a late baby, WAY past the due date. The doctors expected me out around December, but I didn’t arrive til much later. How much later, I’m not telling because, quite frankly, I hate celebrating my birthday. I’ll explain my reasons later. Actually, my aunt had to postpone her wedding because of me, or more accurately, because my mom was supposedly going to give birth to me in Dec. So out of respect for my mom’s big belly, they moved it later. However, when she still didn’t have me yet, they went through with the wedding regardless, big belly or no.
I’m sure all of you have heard similar storied about how your mom suffered to have you. I’ve heard other people’s horror stories about how the mother was in labor for 90 hours, trying to push the baby out. But the pain doesn’t stop after childbirth. It continues until the day the parents see Jesus. That pain has another name: worry.
Now, I never thought of myself as a klutz, so it was very shocking to hear that’s what my mom thought of me was. I suppose, the only times she ever remembers clearly are the times when I was hurt. So her view is a little biased. Even though now I’m hobbled in one foot, I still don’t consider myself that clumsy. I think I’m reckless, not necessarily uncoordinated. I tend to push my body harder than it should, I guess it’s a product of my refusal to believe that I’m old. So whereas I recall my wins in dodgeball and my athleticism during PE, she remembers the skinned knees, the wounds to my head and hand that requires stitches, the dislocation of both shoulders and a strange recurring foot injury that is plaguing me as I write this. It’s no wonder she saw me as a klutz.
With this background, it’s no wonder she always worried about me, even when I wasn’t. As a child, I was never aware of this fact; it’s only recently when I’m older that she’s confided me about this. How every time she gets a call from the school office, her heart skips a beat. Or whenever I go on a camping trip with my Scouts, she wakes up every morning to pray for my safety. Or when I go skiing with my dad and mom, she worries throughout the day. I’m pretty sure it’s not healthy, but despite me telling her not to worry, that doesn’t stop her. She will always worry.
Is this God’s way of ensuring the survival of the species? It’s not just in humans either. You see it in the animal world as well. As a child, one of my favorite shows was on PBS, the nature show. Every week, they focused on an animal, and you always rooted for that animal. So one week, it’ll be about antelopes, and when they show tigers chasing antelopes, I would always cheer the antelope to escape. But the next week, when they focus on lions, I would always hope that the lion catches the quick deer. Have you ever noticed that? Maybe it’s just me. So anyway, the nature show will inevitably show how they procreate and take care of the young. And I saw how similar a mother lion is with her cub, it’s the same as how my mom is. Or the mother antelope encouraging her young to get on their feet, because its survival depends on it, reminds me of the way my mom encourages me to ride my bike. And yes my survival depended on it… the survival of my peers. Everyone else can ride a bike, and by gosh, I wasn’t going to be left behind! Sorry, I’m competitive like that.
Since I’m a male, I will never know what it’s like to be a mom. It seems like a life full of worry and trouble. It’s a wonder how any child can survive its journey into adulthood, fraught with deadly obstacles such as elementary school bulies and summer vacation photos of you in embarassing situations. I mean anything and everything can go wrong. For my own sanity, I’d probably lock up my child in my house and never let it leave. I mean, she could be playing outside my house and still get run over or something. Is having a child worth all that? Graying hair, more worry wrinkles, losing your voice and having your own mother gloat about "getting what comes to you" seems to be the end result. I don't konw about you, but sign me up!
My mom had to get a Caesarian for me because I got too big to go out the normal way. Truth was I was a late baby, WAY past the due date. The doctors expected me out around December, but I didn’t arrive til much later. How much later, I’m not telling because, quite frankly, I hate celebrating my birthday. I’ll explain my reasons later. Actually, my aunt had to postpone her wedding because of me, or more accurately, because my mom was supposedly going to give birth to me in Dec. So out of respect for my mom’s big belly, they moved it later. However, when she still didn’t have me yet, they went through with the wedding regardless, big belly or no.
I’m sure all of you have heard similar storied about how your mom suffered to have you. I’ve heard other people’s horror stories about how the mother was in labor for 90 hours, trying to push the baby out. But the pain doesn’t stop after childbirth. It continues until the day the parents see Jesus. That pain has another name: worry.
Now, I never thought of myself as a klutz, so it was very shocking to hear that’s what my mom thought of me was. I suppose, the only times she ever remembers clearly are the times when I was hurt. So her view is a little biased. Even though now I’m hobbled in one foot, I still don’t consider myself that clumsy. I think I’m reckless, not necessarily uncoordinated. I tend to push my body harder than it should, I guess it’s a product of my refusal to believe that I’m old. So whereas I recall my wins in dodgeball and my athleticism during PE, she remembers the skinned knees, the wounds to my head and hand that requires stitches, the dislocation of both shoulders and a strange recurring foot injury that is plaguing me as I write this. It’s no wonder she saw me as a klutz.
With this background, it’s no wonder she always worried about me, even when I wasn’t. As a child, I was never aware of this fact; it’s only recently when I’m older that she’s confided me about this. How every time she gets a call from the school office, her heart skips a beat. Or whenever I go on a camping trip with my Scouts, she wakes up every morning to pray for my safety. Or when I go skiing with my dad and mom, she worries throughout the day. I’m pretty sure it’s not healthy, but despite me telling her not to worry, that doesn’t stop her. She will always worry.
Is this God’s way of ensuring the survival of the species? It’s not just in humans either. You see it in the animal world as well. As a child, one of my favorite shows was on PBS, the nature show. Every week, they focused on an animal, and you always rooted for that animal. So one week, it’ll be about antelopes, and when they show tigers chasing antelopes, I would always cheer the antelope to escape. But the next week, when they focus on lions, I would always hope that the lion catches the quick deer. Have you ever noticed that? Maybe it’s just me. So anyway, the nature show will inevitably show how they procreate and take care of the young. And I saw how similar a mother lion is with her cub, it’s the same as how my mom is. Or the mother antelope encouraging her young to get on their feet, because its survival depends on it, reminds me of the way my mom encourages me to ride my bike. And yes my survival depended on it… the survival of my peers. Everyone else can ride a bike, and by gosh, I wasn’t going to be left behind! Sorry, I’m competitive like that.
Since I’m a male, I will never know what it’s like to be a mom. It seems like a life full of worry and trouble. It’s a wonder how any child can survive its journey into adulthood, fraught with deadly obstacles such as elementary school bulies and summer vacation photos of you in embarassing situations. I mean anything and everything can go wrong. For my own sanity, I’d probably lock up my child in my house and never let it leave. I mean, she could be playing outside my house and still get run over or something. Is having a child worth all that? Graying hair, more worry wrinkles, losing your voice and having your own mother gloat about "getting what comes to you" seems to be the end result. I don't konw about you, but sign me up!
Monday, May 08, 2006
Friday, May 05, 2006
Game: Dry Fire
A pretty fun but mindless game. You're a cannon and you shoot stick people and later on helicopters and tanks. It's cool because every 3 levels you can upgrade your cannon. Try it out.
Google as AVI
Do you use google video much? Have you ever seen a video that you had to have? When you try to purchase the video, google encodes it as a gvi, and you can only view it from a google video player, which sucks. Well, someone found out where the avi are stored and you can download them as an AVi. You can then view it with Windows Media Player (provided you have MPEG4 codec). Anyway, the best part is it's free! You should get it while the site is still up. It's a little complicated to use. The link they provide, you need to create a bookmark of it. Then, go to your favorite google video, and while it's streaming, click your bookmark. It will then ask you if you want to download it. For me, I just dragged the link to the link bar at the top.
Marble Video
This is a pretty long video (15 min) doing those Rube Goldberg like puzzles using a marble and various objects. It's pretty cool to see them. Each run is only like a 30 seconds at most.
Become smarter
Happy Friday!
If you're like me, you feel really run-down and stupid when Friday comes around. I gave my best during the beginning of the week, and now my brain is mush. That's why I like to post videos and wierd stuff on Fri, to rejuvenate. Anyway, here's an article on tips to become smarter (or at least not dumb). Some examples include playing Sudoku and showering with your eyes closed.
If you're like me, you feel really run-down and stupid when Friday comes around. I gave my best during the beginning of the week, and now my brain is mush. That's why I like to post videos and wierd stuff on Fri, to rejuvenate. Anyway, here's an article on tips to become smarter (or at least not dumb). Some examples include playing Sudoku and showering with your eyes closed.
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Sarcasm (Pt 2)
So is being sarcastic a good thing or a bad thing? Well, I guess you have to decide whether biting someone’s flesh off is a good thing or bad thing. Maybe a nice, juicy fat guy, with some Cianti sauce.* Did you know Jesus was sarcastic? It’s hard to tell. Remember, how I said sarcasm doesn’t translate well in the written language? You really have to know someone and their character to be able to tell when someone’s speech is sarcastic or not. When someone told me about Jesus, I was taken back at first as well. Jesus? Sarcastic? Isn’t that… a sin? Well, since Jesus had never sinned, then I guess sarcasm isn’t a sin… well either that or Jesus never was sarcastic. I’ll throw some verses at you, and you be the judge for yourself. You’re a smart reader…after all, you’re reading my blog!*
I think the biggest indication of Jesus’ sarcasm, was when he compared the Pharisees to tombs. Let’s look at that, shall we?
13"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the kingdom of heaven in men's faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to. 15"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when he becomes one, you make him twice as much a son of hell as you are. 16"Woe to you, blind guides! You say, 'If anyone swears by the temple, it means nothing; but if anyone swears by the gold of the temple, he is bound by his oath.' 17You blind fools! Which is greater: the gold, or the temple that makes the gold sacred? 18You also say, 'If anyone swears by the altar, it means nothing; but if anyone swears by the gift on it, he is bound by his oath.' 19You blind men! Which is greater: the gift, or the altar that makes the gift sacred? 20Therefore, he who swears by the altar swears by it and by everything on it. 21And he who swears by the temple swears by it and by the one who dwells in it. 22And he who swears by heaven swears by God's throne and by the one who sits on it. 23"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cummin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. 24You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel. 25"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. 26Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean. 27"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men's bones and everything unclean. 28In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness. 29"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You build tombs for the prophets and decorate the graves of the righteous. 30And you say, 'If we had lived in the days of our forefathers, we would not have taken part with them in shedding the blood of the prophets.' 31So you testify against yourselves that you are the descendants of those who murdered the prophets. 32Fill up, then, the measure of the sin of your forefathers! (Mat 23:13-32)
I bolded the verses to highlight what I feel are the sarcastic comment Jesus made. I'm sure if I tried hard enough, I could find a sarcastic remark in all seven of the woes. But, I'm lazy and I don't get paid enough to think. Also, it might be just my wistful thinking, I like symmetry and it'd be neat if Jesus did that, but eh, I'm not complaining if he didn't.
Before I start, let's remember what separates sarcasm from irony. The main thing is that sarcasm is an attack on someone or a group. It is often hurtful and sometimes vindictive. But in this world, pain is a good thing, because it lets the one who feels pain know that there is something wrong, either in the body, mind, or spirit. In this case, the Pharisees are the target of Jesus' sarcasm. And he wants them to know exactly what is wrong with them.
So let's look at the first one: "You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to." What are the Pharisees known for? Well, they're known for being holy, right? They're also the priestly caste, so they have an inside track on how to get to heaven... supposedly. And who better to get into heaven than these guys right? They know the Mosaic law by heart, they can probably recite the entire Pentateuch from memory. And yet, Jesus is telling them they are not entering heaven. Isn't that ironic? People thought most likely to get into heaven are actually not getting into heaven. And what's funnier (or not) is that instead of helping their fellow non-Pharisees getting into heaven, they're actually hindering them! Eh? That's pretty funny, eh? Ok... next attack!
"You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when he becomes one, you make him twice as much a son of hell as you are." So Pharisees are doing the best to convert others and save their souls. They go around from city to city and tell people they're going to hell. Unless.... unless the sinners follow their rules and believe in the God they believe. Hrm... sounds familiar? So they go to the ends of the known earth to convert one person. They bribe, cajole, persuade the person to attend synagogue. And once they believe, once they accept, what do the Pharisees do? They make them twice the hypocrites that the Pharisees are. That's pretty ironic, right? "Hey, believe in God and be happy when you're in heaven. But wait, do this and that, and you gotta do that." Pretty soon, instead of being happy they are saved, these converts probably would rather kill themselves. Now you see the irony?
"You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel." Some humorists lump over-exaggeration as part of sarcasm. And this example pretty much personifies over-exaggeration. Jesus does this a lot. A more famous one is about a rich guy and a camel. I don't know the exact verse, but well, it's famous....go ask around. So, what exactly is this verse about? I'm not too sure, I'm not a Bible theologian. But here is what I got from the few minutes when I listened during Sunday School. Pharisees are all about cleanliness. They wash their feet before eating, they wash themselves before sacrifice. So they'll do everything to make sure things are clean, even draining the wine to make sure there's no flies in the vat or something. But with their whole obsession with cleanliness, they don't even see the major sins that are staring them at the face. It's like seeing the scratch in the fender without noticing that the entire hood is crumpled. Talk about a misorder of priorities! They should work on cleaning up the big sins rather than worry about the small ones. Jesus is using the exaggeration to emphasize the ridiculousness of the Pharisees' behavior and priorities.
Ok last one, because I'm sure you're getting the hang of it and I'm getting a little tired explaining it. "You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men's bones and everything unclean." So how is this ironic? Well, tombs are unclean, and quite frankly Pharisees wouldn't be caught dead in a cemetery. (Did you see what I did, with the pun? I know humor on SO many levels.) So it's very wrong to compare them to tombs, which they would never do because it's SOOO not them. It'd be like comparing pastors to prostitutes or something (not that I would ever be bold (or drunk enough) to make that kind of comparison). It's just something distasteful that you wouldn't do. Yet Jesus did it, because he's telling them, that even though they may look nice and stuff on the outside, it's the inside that counts. And he purposely compared them to an unclean object to mock them in a way. That Jesus! He should be on Comedy Def Jam or something. I'd pay to see that. I can just imagine him, up on stage, in between jokes, he peers over the audience and sees a bunch of high and mighty Pharisees with their big hats. And then he just starts tearing into them as all good comics do. And the rest of the crowd laughs and thanks God they're not in the front getting the beating.
So... anyway, agree or disagree, I hope you at least give it a chance. Reread some of those favorite Gospels and Jesus teaching. Try to imagine him delivering some of his choice proverbs with a snarky attitude. Open your mind and your ears. Next week... we'll talk about mothers!
I think the biggest indication of Jesus’ sarcasm, was when he compared the Pharisees to tombs. Let’s look at that, shall we?
13"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the kingdom of heaven in men's faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to. 15"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when he becomes one, you make him twice as much a son of hell as you are. 16"Woe to you, blind guides! You say, 'If anyone swears by the temple, it means nothing; but if anyone swears by the gold of the temple, he is bound by his oath.' 17You blind fools! Which is greater: the gold, or the temple that makes the gold sacred? 18You also say, 'If anyone swears by the altar, it means nothing; but if anyone swears by the gift on it, he is bound by his oath.' 19You blind men! Which is greater: the gift, or the altar that makes the gift sacred? 20Therefore, he who swears by the altar swears by it and by everything on it. 21And he who swears by the temple swears by it and by the one who dwells in it. 22And he who swears by heaven swears by God's throne and by the one who sits on it. 23"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cummin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. 24You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel. 25"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. 26Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean. 27"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men's bones and everything unclean. 28In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness. 29"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You build tombs for the prophets and decorate the graves of the righteous. 30And you say, 'If we had lived in the days of our forefathers, we would not have taken part with them in shedding the blood of the prophets.' 31So you testify against yourselves that you are the descendants of those who murdered the prophets. 32Fill up, then, the measure of the sin of your forefathers! (Mat 23:13-32)
I bolded the verses to highlight what I feel are the sarcastic comment Jesus made. I'm sure if I tried hard enough, I could find a sarcastic remark in all seven of the woes. But, I'm lazy and I don't get paid enough to think. Also, it might be just my wistful thinking, I like symmetry and it'd be neat if Jesus did that, but eh, I'm not complaining if he didn't.
Before I start, let's remember what separates sarcasm from irony. The main thing is that sarcasm is an attack on someone or a group. It is often hurtful and sometimes vindictive. But in this world, pain is a good thing, because it lets the one who feels pain know that there is something wrong, either in the body, mind, or spirit. In this case, the Pharisees are the target of Jesus' sarcasm. And he wants them to know exactly what is wrong with them.
So let's look at the first one: "You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to." What are the Pharisees known for? Well, they're known for being holy, right? They're also the priestly caste, so they have an inside track on how to get to heaven... supposedly. And who better to get into heaven than these guys right? They know the Mosaic law by heart, they can probably recite the entire Pentateuch from memory. And yet, Jesus is telling them they are not entering heaven. Isn't that ironic? People thought most likely to get into heaven are actually not getting into heaven. And what's funnier (or not) is that instead of helping their fellow non-Pharisees getting into heaven, they're actually hindering them! Eh? That's pretty funny, eh? Ok... next attack!
"You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when he becomes one, you make him twice as much a son of hell as you are." So Pharisees are doing the best to convert others and save their souls. They go around from city to city and tell people they're going to hell. Unless.... unless the sinners follow their rules and believe in the God they believe. Hrm... sounds familiar? So they go to the ends of the known earth to convert one person. They bribe, cajole, persuade the person to attend synagogue. And once they believe, once they accept, what do the Pharisees do? They make them twice the hypocrites that the Pharisees are. That's pretty ironic, right? "Hey, believe in God and be happy when you're in heaven. But wait, do this and that, and you gotta do that." Pretty soon, instead of being happy they are saved, these converts probably would rather kill themselves. Now you see the irony?
"You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel." Some humorists lump over-exaggeration as part of sarcasm. And this example pretty much personifies over-exaggeration. Jesus does this a lot. A more famous one is about a rich guy and a camel. I don't know the exact verse, but well, it's famous....go ask around. So, what exactly is this verse about? I'm not too sure, I'm not a Bible theologian. But here is what I got from the few minutes when I listened during Sunday School. Pharisees are all about cleanliness. They wash their feet before eating, they wash themselves before sacrifice. So they'll do everything to make sure things are clean, even draining the wine to make sure there's no flies in the vat or something. But with their whole obsession with cleanliness, they don't even see the major sins that are staring them at the face. It's like seeing the scratch in the fender without noticing that the entire hood is crumpled. Talk about a misorder of priorities! They should work on cleaning up the big sins rather than worry about the small ones. Jesus is using the exaggeration to emphasize the ridiculousness of the Pharisees' behavior and priorities.
Ok last one, because I'm sure you're getting the hang of it and I'm getting a little tired explaining it. "You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men's bones and everything unclean." So how is this ironic? Well, tombs are unclean, and quite frankly Pharisees wouldn't be caught dead in a cemetery. (Did you see what I did, with the pun? I know humor on SO many levels.) So it's very wrong to compare them to tombs, which they would never do because it's SOOO not them. It'd be like comparing pastors to prostitutes or something (not that I would ever be bold (or drunk enough) to make that kind of comparison). It's just something distasteful that you wouldn't do. Yet Jesus did it, because he's telling them, that even though they may look nice and stuff on the outside, it's the inside that counts. And he purposely compared them to an unclean object to mock them in a way. That Jesus! He should be on Comedy Def Jam or something. I'd pay to see that. I can just imagine him, up on stage, in between jokes, he peers over the audience and sees a bunch of high and mighty Pharisees with their big hats. And then he just starts tearing into them as all good comics do. And the rest of the crowd laughs and thanks God they're not in the front getting the beating.
So... anyway, agree or disagree, I hope you at least give it a chance. Reread some of those favorite Gospels and Jesus teaching. Try to imagine him delivering some of his choice proverbs with a snarky attitude. Open your mind and your ears. Next week... we'll talk about mothers!
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Poetry Corner: An ode
Hey there! It's been a while since I posted any poetry. I have been writing again, but they're not polished yet. So here's something I dug up from a while back. My best friend was going through a painful breakup during our college days and he confided in me about her. So much, that it was almost like I knew her. So, I wrote a poem about it. The names have been changed to protect the innocent (or guilty :))
that giggle that comes from the back
of your throat the one you always did
when you used to think about us
while playing the Xbox together,
kicking my ass in Dr. Mario,
"ahahahaha".
And you will be slanting your head
sideways, your long chestnut ponytail
dangling down the left side
of your smooth ivory skin
and your round eyes narrow into that
"I want you"
look as you graze your fingernails
on someone else's arm.
Another man will be cuddling you tonight
his tanned arms enfolding you to his body,
your softness against his hard chest
like a warm security blanket against
the unfeeling world, cruel circumstances
which forced you away from me.
Every time I see someone kiss
either on TV or in those flashes of PDA,
which I was so against but now regret,
I think of your lips, those pouty half-
open twins of pleasure, plump and pillowy,
pressed against my own, sucking my lower lip
and when I tightly pull your hair,
I still remember your eyes open with surprise
and then melting with warmth as you think
"Oh he remembers what I like!"
And I do, I still know what you like,
every time I go to class and see the seat
next to me occupied by someone else,
and I remember every time someone calls me a geek,
or orders French Toast, gyoza,
Chinese fried rice and Japanese curry,
mint chocolate chip ice cream,
good creme brulee with the crunchy caramel top
or any kind of drink with Frangelica,
any time I see or hear about spas,
whenever I go to that movie theater
where we watched the movie you didn't want to see
or when that movie about our life comes on,
"Breakfast at Tiffany's",
when I pass your exit on the freeway
playing Text Twist or Sudoku or
Arvale...
playing video games on the couch with my friends
and chatting about any 80's stuff,
which always leads me to the Care Bears
and then I instinctively smell
that fragrance, your perfume,
that delicate hint of Vera Wang,
the pyramid bottle of your essence,
which you had sprayed onto the Pink Care Bear
with the heart-shaped belly,
the one you gave me
in childish seriousness
out of your personal collection.
I have put that bear into a box,
and stored it in my closet,
on the upper shelf.
I placed that bear and the emerald bangle
in the box, sealed it with tape,
and marked the sides with your name
because I don't want to be reminded of you,
it hurts too much
not because I hate you
nor because I don't forgive you
for leaving me
but
because
I'll always be thinking,
"Someone else is making her laugh..."
Dear Ariel: An Ode
that giggle that comes from the back
of your throat the one you always did
when you used to think about us
while playing the Xbox together,
kicking my ass in Dr. Mario,
"ahahahaha".
And you will be slanting your head
sideways, your long chestnut ponytail
dangling down the left side
of your smooth ivory skin
and your round eyes narrow into that
"I want you"
look as you graze your fingernails
on someone else's arm.
Another man will be cuddling you tonight
his tanned arms enfolding you to his body,
your softness against his hard chest
like a warm security blanket against
the unfeeling world, cruel circumstances
which forced you away from me.
Every time I see someone kiss
either on TV or in those flashes of PDA,
which I was so against but now regret,
I think of your lips, those pouty half-
open twins of pleasure, plump and pillowy,
pressed against my own, sucking my lower lip
and when I tightly pull your hair,
I still remember your eyes open with surprise
and then melting with warmth as you think
"Oh he remembers what I like!"
And I do, I still know what you like,
every time I go to class and see the seat
next to me occupied by someone else,
and I remember every time someone calls me a geek,
or orders French Toast, gyoza,
Chinese fried rice and Japanese curry,
mint chocolate chip ice cream,
good creme brulee with the crunchy caramel top
or any kind of drink with Frangelica,
any time I see or hear about spas,
whenever I go to that movie theater
where we watched the movie you didn't want to see
or when that movie about our life comes on,
"Breakfast at Tiffany's",
when I pass your exit on the freeway
playing Text Twist or Sudoku or
Arvale...
playing video games on the couch with my friends
and chatting about any 80's stuff,
which always leads me to the Care Bears
and then I instinctively smell
that fragrance, your perfume,
that delicate hint of Vera Wang,
the pyramid bottle of your essence,
which you had sprayed onto the Pink Care Bear
with the heart-shaped belly,
the one you gave me
in childish seriousness
out of your personal collection.
I have put that bear into a box,
and stored it in my closet,
on the upper shelf.
I placed that bear and the emerald bangle
in the box, sealed it with tape,
and marked the sides with your name
because I don't want to be reminded of you,
it hurts too much
not because I hate you
nor because I don't forgive you
for leaving me
but
because
I'll always be thinking,
"Someone else is making her laugh..."
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Sarcasm (Pt 1)
It is said that sarcasm is the “lowest form of wit”. It certainly doesn’t take too much intelligence to be sarcastic. After all, compared to wordplay and bantering, you don’t have to think too quickly. Just emphasize certain words, and you have a good rejoinder. Sarcasm however, is an oft misunderstood form of humor. Easily abused, it can really hurt people’s feelings rather than making people laugh. I used to be pretty sarcastic, but I’ve toned it down over the recent years because of what a teacher at a workshop said.
Sarcasm comes from the Latin word, sarcasmus, which in turn comes from the Greek, sarkasmos. The root word literally means “to cut a piece of flesh”. So as the teacher explains it, using sarcasm was to cut people’s flesh from their bones. It didn’t sound like a good thing, so I stopped using it. I guess sarcastic words cut people and hurt people, and so I was taught that it was a bad thing. I don’t want to hurt people, how about you?
Another thing about sarcasm is that it’s pretty hard to tell whether someone is sarcastic through words alone. A lot of times, when people use sarcasm, the tone of their voice changes, and it’s easier to tell when they’re using it. But since you can’t hear people write, at least I can’t, people may mistake your sarcastic remarks seriously. In fact, did you know I made some sarcastic remarks at least 2 times already? You really have to know someone well enough to be able to distinguish between seriousness and when they’re joking (or being sarcastic). So in honor of this topic, I will let you all know when I’m being sarcastic by putting a little asterisk after the statement. See? I’m nothing if not helpful.*
Sarcasm and irony are often mistaken for each other. In modern usage, they are often used interchangeably, but I, the master of all humor*, am here to educate you. So then, when you do say something ironic and someone remarks how sarcastic that sounds, you can calmly and snobbily say, “That was Irony not sarcasm, you English-ignorant fool!”* Sarcasm is a subset of irony. Irony contains more than just sarcasm, there’s Socratic, situational, verbal (which includes sarcasm), and tragic. Even within verbal irony, sarcasm is just one of many types. In particular, sarcasm is used to personally attack someone or a group of people, whereas you can use verbal irony to remark about the weather, cars, or food. So if the weather was stormy and you say “What great weather to be taking a stroll”, that would be irony, but not sarcasm. Now, you get it?*
Remember how I said that sarcasm doesn’t translate very well over the internet? Usually, people change their tone so it becomes rather nasally, and that’s a sign of sarcasm. Try it. When you read the following sentence, imagine yourself saying it, but more importantly, imagine hearing yourself imaginarily saying it. You get a bowling ball as a gift and you say to the person, “Well isn’t this the most perfect gift?” So do you hear how it’s different when you say most perfect? If you don’t hear it, your imagination probably sucks, so say it out loud until you can hear the difference.* However, over the years, I’ve learned to control my tone (either that or I’ve used sarcasm so much that it’s a part of my regular speech) so that it doesn’t change whether I’m sarcastic or saying fact. If you didn’t know me any better, you’d think I’m a bigoted uncaring guy based on the things I say. Well, I am, but it should take you at least a year before you figured that out.* I’m not too sure where I’m going with this. Oh yeah! This is another reason why I’m not as sarcastic as much. It doesn’t make a good first or second impression. In fact, it’s not until I really get to know someone that I really let loose. Because by that time, I don’t care what my friends think, they’re stuck with me.*
Sarcasm comes from the Latin word, sarcasmus, which in turn comes from the Greek, sarkasmos. The root word literally means “to cut a piece of flesh”. So as the teacher explains it, using sarcasm was to cut people’s flesh from their bones. It didn’t sound like a good thing, so I stopped using it. I guess sarcastic words cut people and hurt people, and so I was taught that it was a bad thing. I don’t want to hurt people, how about you?
Another thing about sarcasm is that it’s pretty hard to tell whether someone is sarcastic through words alone. A lot of times, when people use sarcasm, the tone of their voice changes, and it’s easier to tell when they’re using it. But since you can’t hear people write, at least I can’t, people may mistake your sarcastic remarks seriously. In fact, did you know I made some sarcastic remarks at least 2 times already? You really have to know someone well enough to be able to distinguish between seriousness and when they’re joking (or being sarcastic). So in honor of this topic, I will let you all know when I’m being sarcastic by putting a little asterisk after the statement. See? I’m nothing if not helpful.*
Sarcasm and irony are often mistaken for each other. In modern usage, they are often used interchangeably, but I, the master of all humor*, am here to educate you. So then, when you do say something ironic and someone remarks how sarcastic that sounds, you can calmly and snobbily say, “That was Irony not sarcasm, you English-ignorant fool!”* Sarcasm is a subset of irony. Irony contains more than just sarcasm, there’s Socratic, situational, verbal (which includes sarcasm), and tragic. Even within verbal irony, sarcasm is just one of many types. In particular, sarcasm is used to personally attack someone or a group of people, whereas you can use verbal irony to remark about the weather, cars, or food. So if the weather was stormy and you say “What great weather to be taking a stroll”, that would be irony, but not sarcasm. Now, you get it?*
Remember how I said that sarcasm doesn’t translate very well over the internet? Usually, people change their tone so it becomes rather nasally, and that’s a sign of sarcasm. Try it. When you read the following sentence, imagine yourself saying it, but more importantly, imagine hearing yourself imaginarily saying it. You get a bowling ball as a gift and you say to the person, “Well isn’t this the most perfect gift?” So do you hear how it’s different when you say most perfect? If you don’t hear it, your imagination probably sucks, so say it out loud until you can hear the difference.* However, over the years, I’ve learned to control my tone (either that or I’ve used sarcasm so much that it’s a part of my regular speech) so that it doesn’t change whether I’m sarcastic or saying fact. If you didn’t know me any better, you’d think I’m a bigoted uncaring guy based on the things I say. Well, I am, but it should take you at least a year before you figured that out.* I’m not too sure where I’m going with this. Oh yeah! This is another reason why I’m not as sarcastic as much. It doesn’t make a good first or second impression. In fact, it’s not until I really get to know someone that I really let loose. Because by that time, I don’t care what my friends think, they’re stuck with me.*
Monday, May 01, 2006
Science Quiz
This quiz isn't as fun or interactive as the other ones. But it's scary to find out how much "science" you really know. These are all questions that scientists believe all high school students should know. I got 7/10 right and I got the Extra credit right. I think I slept through most of high school. Anyway, see how well you do :)
The world as you've never seen
This website reminds me of a West Wing episode, where the senior staff had to spend one day with various lobbying groups. And one of them was a cartography group that tried to create a politically unbiased world map. It kinda brings home how American really compares to the rest of the world.
Here's another map, this time focusing on America specifically and the different languages. Chinese is the third most populous language!
Here's another map, this time focusing on America specifically and the different languages. Chinese is the third most populous language!
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