Church -> Wedding

If you’ve been following and paying attention to the past three journal entries, I think you can deduce what I’m going to write about today. But first, like all good soap operas, we need a recap! I first talked about the importance of siblings. Though you may fight and disagree with one another, nevertheless you share a common bond that can’t really be broken by time or distance. Then I talked about weddings, and how no matter what, you have to invite your siblings. It’s Rule Two in the Wedding Handbook, which a friend of mine had smuggled to me. Third, I talked about Church, and how throughout the history of the New Testament, the notion that we are all brothers and sisters has been drilled into our heads repeatedly. So what’s the final link?

If we invite our real-life siblings to our weddings, shouldn’t it be no less important that we invite our brothers and sisters in Christ to the weddings as well? It’s a tall order and idealistic to be sure. I’m not naïve to think that we should invite the whole Church, meaning the entire Christian body. And given the size of some churches nowadays, it’s certainly not feasible to even invite the entire congregation of a single church. However, while everyone is of the same Body, there is certainly a case to be made for fellowships or cell groups, that is, the group that you belong to within the Church, where you spend the most time praying, and enjoying their company. In this entry, I will give you my reasons why I feel you should invite all your brothers and sisters to your wedding, and rather than just say the “sky is falling”, I will endeavor to provide you with alternate methods of keeping wedding costs down, while still maintaining proper wedding etiquette as written in the Wedding Handbook. But first, let’s define our “brothers and sisters”.

By our very sinful nature, we are a selfish race. Though we often try to go outside ourselves, via charitable deeds, and other acts of selflessness, nevertheless, we can’t act against our basic natures for long. I’m not going to argue about this point, but just consider that one way people get you to volunteer is because “you’ll feel good about yourself”. That statement is a selfish motive. With large churches, it’s hard to feel community with everyone in the church. So, a common practice is for groups to be formed within the church, often based on age groups, but sometimes it can be based on hobbies as well. It is this group that I say are your brothers and sisters, because this is the group that you spend the most time.

First of all, as stated before, we must love the fellowship as true brothers and sisters. When one of us hurts, we all feel it. It’s idealistic to be sure, but aren’t all Jesus’ teachings idealistic? Nevertheless, we must still strive to fulfill his ideals on earth. That’s our calling. That shows our love for Jesus, when we try to live up to his teachings no matter how crazy it sounds. And there are other practical considerations as well.

You don’t want to burn your bridges, that is friendships within the fellowship. As reminded continually by other people, this is a small world. Who knows whether the person you diss may end up being your interviewer at your next job application! To pick and choose among your brothers and sisters is the ultimate diss of all. Especially if they believe themselves to be good friends of yours, only to find out that no, their invite didn’t get lost in the mail. How do you think they would feel? It’s never good to rank your brothers and sisters, just like it’s never good to ask your parents to choose which son or daughter they love the best. And if you invite some people while not others within your fellowship, yes, you are ranking. You are saying these are my wedding-worthy siblings, and the rest of you aren’t.

The second thing is that you aren’t putting your trust in God. It’s easy to say, put your trust in God, have faith. But when it really comes down to the real world, most people shy away. It’s understandable, there are many times when I didn’t truly put my faith in God. How are you not putting your faith in God? Because you’re looking at your pocketbook when you are deciding who to invite and who not to invite. When instead, you should be looking to God and asking Him for help. The Bible says that whatever you ask in His Name, according to His will, He will grant it (1 Jn 5:14). Do you honestly think that God wants you to divide the fellowship over this sacred event?

So, what else can you do? Short of a miracle, there are other ways to help your financial situation. I can think of two. One will rely on your trust in God, and one doesn’t, but the results aren’t as good. The cheaper alternative is to invite the entire fellowship to the wedding. After all, filling up a church is pretty cheap, and I have yet to attend a church where it was solidly packed. Instead of springing for such a nice beautiful cathedral, swallow your ego and use your house church. It’s always free for members. But this is the next important part, after the wedding, if you are unable to invite everyone to the dinner or lunch, then you must have a wedding reception. You can have light snacks, coldcuts or whatever, but you’re giving people a chance to see and talk to you and just mingle with other guests. This is rule 4 of the Wedding Handbook.

The other option is to get a loan for your wedding. This can be from a rich family member or good friend or even the bank. Then you must trust God that He will help you pay off the loan. It’s not unreasonable as well. I’ve heard from my co-workers that in fact, Vietnamese and Filipino weddings make a profit! Most likely it’s a culture thing, the guests in general give cash as a wedding gift. (Note: Rule 5 of the Wedding Handbook is don’t ask for cash. There’s no real nice way of doing it, and it sounds really tacky (I’ve seen one ok way of doing it, but I’m not going to divulge it, lest I encourage people in this heinous practice!)). Yes, there’s a chance that your wedding may not make a profit or whatever, but again, this is all part of the faith I was talking about. Remember, faith the size of a mustard seed, and God will move a mountain for you (or pay off your wedding debt which is probably the same thing)!

Anyway, if you would like a copy of my Wedding Handbook, please send $19.95 to me. All proceeds go to a good charity (my wedding fund).