Have you ever been jealous before? I don’t mean envious, but really hopping green with jealousy? A lot of people get envy and jealousy mixed up by the way. According to Merriam-Webster, jealousy has 3 common definitions. The first describes one’s predilection for jealous behaviors. So a jealous person is someone that would be more likely to suspect someone of unfaithfulness. The second definition is the more common notion of hating someone who has an advantage. The last definition has a less negative connotation, merely meaning to really guard a possession. What about envy? Here, M-W say that it is a “painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage.” Do you see the difference now? Whereas both words basically means you hate or resent someone that has an advantage over you, envy takes it a step further by also meaning that you want that advantage as well.
Here’s a scenario that should highlight the differences very well. One very familiar situation with jealousy is the jealous husband. Let’s say that George was married to a beautiful woman. Naturally he would be jealous of any man that talks to his wife. That’s because not only does he perceive every guy as a rival for her affections, but also he might be thinking that she might be unfaithful to him. But you cannot say that he is envious of any man that talks to his wife, right? He may feel resentment to the other person (jealousy), but he’s already married to her. On the other hand, other men may be envious of him because they all want his wife. Clearer now? Good, moving on.
… Oh yeah, so, have you ever been jealous before? If you aren’t married, most likely you’ve never been jealous of someone. You were probably envious, but not jealous. But if you are married, I’m sure deep down that mortal body of yours, you’ve felt that seething hatred. Jealousy and hate get along very well, you know. You see your spouse or SO (significant other) chatting with one another, having a good time while you are not there! Maybe she touches him innocently on the arm while they share a laugh. Maybe he’s whispering something to her. Whatever it is, thoughts immediately start forming in your mind. Evil, non-Christian like thoughts. Like what if they’re spending more time together than you realize. Or imagining them in uncompromising situations. You get yourself more and more worked up, getting angry every second until you completely lose it. Then you’re flinging chairs, upending the buffet table with the lovely ice sculpture of an ice swan or duck or something on it, all the while incoherently roaring and stalking closer to your wife.
Ok… maybe not that drastic, but you get the idea. Jealousy is a very basic human emotion, we all have it, it’s what makes up an important part of our self-esteem, be it high or low. Human jealousy wrecks relationships, because trust is broken. In order to protect your advantages, you start to guard it closer and closer. If your gorgeous boyfriend goes out, you want to know where he’s going, with whom, and when he’s coming back. After assuaging your fears, you let him leave but you’re carefully watching the clock. One hand is always hovering near your phone… one second late and you’re ready to dial him up to see why he’s late. Jealousy is living in a constant state of fear, fear that your loved one will leave you, fear that someone will take your loved one from you or fear of both.
But jealousy isn’t all bad. Everyone needs a moderate amount of jealousy, believe it or not. I call it healthy jealousy, similar to healthy skepticism. You’re probably disagreeing with me right now, “Nope, I have no jealous bone in my body. I completely trust my man (woman). (S)he will never betray me.” I’m sorry to say, but if you’re like then, then don’t be surprised when that person leaves you. Do you honestly think it’s a good idea for your SO to go on a week-long vacation with a member of the opposite sex? And sharing one room? It doesn’t matter what the reason is, “oh she got a great vacation package and she has no one to bring.” If you don’t say no, that it’s a bad idea, then you deserve 100% the consequences of that trip. A little healthy jealousy shows that you care about someone, not that you don’t trust that person. It also lets your SO know that you’re watching out so they best be on their best behavior. God created that feeling so you can protect yourself and the ones you love.
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Nice post on jealousy, especially how it's different from envy. Good illustrations, and I agree jealousy breaks relationships. But I would have to think more about "healthy jealousy" and whether it's a "good" way to show care or that God created the feeling to protect us and our loved ones. If jealousy involves, by definition, faithfulness, advantage, and possesion, I wonder if a human being can ever be righteously (biblically) jealous, or if God ever expected feelings of jealousy in a person as a good thing. As creatures, the created, can man ever deserve or rightfully expect faithfulness from another person (including his spouse), advantage over anyone, or possession of anything? These three things belong solely to God, the only Creator.
It is true that jealousy is part of our makeup, but does its inherent presence justify its righteousness? I would venture to think that jealousy is more a result of sin than a product of God's creation. In the example of the jealous husband, although it is natural for all humans to react in such a way, I would say that jealousy is a sinful reaction because it stems from the husband's thinking that he deserves faithfulness from his wife and possesses her love. Whereas from biblical perspective, his wife, her faithfulness and love toward the man are simply gifts of God. If the man loses them, God simply just took them away (God gives and takes away, praise be to His name). Reacting in jealousy would ultimately mean that he is contending with God's sovereignty in thinking that he deserves better. Ultimately, a wife would stay faithful to her husband out of her vow/respect/obedience to God, not merely because she knows that her husband loves her and is jealous for her. So, if a wife does not love her husband and is wandering away, I would wonder if the husband's jealousy can protect or save the marriage since only God can change her wandering heart?
Having said this, I would be the first one to admit that I would not be reacting biblically if it were to happen to me. I would not sit still and submit to God's sovereignty, but would be contending with God until He breaks me like He did Job. I think human jealousy is nothing like the holy, righteous, and loving jealousy of God (it's a good thing when God is jealous, but it's bad thing when we are jealous). It's a by-product of sin, but God did ordain for us to be born with it not to protect us but to allow us to "feel" how God must feel when He is righteously jealous, a concept you used in part II of the post.
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