How to handle Jevhoah's Witnesses (Pt 2)

Ok, I’m back, and a little late.  But that’s ok.  It’s all about the cross.  It’s all about forgiveness….  It’s all about the fact that I had SOOOO much work to do what with work and school and church, did I mention I’m doing Jeopardy today?  Err I mean tomorrow, because of course, this post happened on THURSDAY, not Friday like you assume.  Yeah, you know what they say about ASSuming!  It makes you look dumb.  Like a donkey.  A big fat dumb donkey.  Not like the talking Donkey in Shrek.  No, that’s a cool but a little annoying donkey.  Plus he’s got Eddie’s voice.  A donkey with Eddie’s voice automagically is not a dumb donkey.  Did I mention, like you?

I’m sorry for insulting you, I didn’t mean it!  I swear, it won’t happen again!  Just come on back now.  That’s right.  Here’s a hanky.  Now, where was I?  Oh yeah, the one thing you should never do is…  Wait, should I be telling you this?  I mean, you might be a Jehovah’s Witness!  And here I am telling you how to avoid them, and then you would know how to avoid the stuff to avoid you… So first, all you Witnesses, close your eyes!  I’ll tell you when you can open them again!

Ok.  So, whatever you do, never ever let them enter your house.  Yup, they’re like mold, once you get it in, you’ll never get it out.  You’ll either have to a) move out of the house and never come back or b) burn it down.  Ok, I’m just kidding, but no, seriously, don’t let them in.  Once they’re inside, they know they won most of the battle.  Then they’ll talk on and on and on and on, and you can’t get them to stop.  I mean can you stop Niagara Falls from flowing?  No, and they’re a thousand times worse!

Oh no, you say.  But they’re already here!  And they’re reading this now!  What should I do?  Well, first of all, slap yourself.  I’d do it, but I’m here.  Ok, now stop panicking.  Slap yourself again, just in case.  Take a deep breath, and ask them politely to leave because you’re already a Christian.  Then tell them kindly that they’re a cult, and you don’t want any steenking cultists around.  Finally, tell them you’ll be laughing at them from heaven as they’re burning in hell.  You know, after both of you die.

Well, looks like it’s about time to go.  I swear I’ll get back to the topic of evangelizing.  I got a couple good stories about that!  See ya next week!