If you've been reading my blog regularly, you should know this is the day where I tie my (seemingly) ramblings to God. Have you ever heard people describe prayer as "It's a conversation with God?" I always think to myself... what kind of conversations do these people have in Real Life? They must be the type of people that talk because they like the sound of their voice and they just keep blabbing about whatever pops in their heads and don't seem to care if the other person is even paying attention let alone try to get a word edgewise and the sentences seem to run on and on and they repeat themselves which I just HATE... (takes deep breath)
Sorry. I was trying to prove a point. Most praying is like a one-sided conversation from... a very bad place. If you really, truly believe prayer is a conversation with the Almighty, then sometimes you just need to shut up and listen. Also, as I mentioned before, if you are truly close with God, sometimes you would have no problems enjoying a comfortable silence with God. That doesn't mean staring at flowers or listening to the New Age stuff. It means sitting somewhere, alone. Doing nothing. Just enjoying God's presence.
In my High School, which was Catholic, for religion class, the teacher would have us meditate. And I guess to facilitate the meditation, the teacher would either play some Enya, or Enigma, or worse, those "relaxing" sounds of the beach with the waves crashing against the shore. Those never really worked for me. I usually end up falling asleep by the 2nd minute. So, that didn't quite work out the way I wanted it to.
The year when my dad had cancer, I took up fasting for lunch every Wednesday. I went to a nearby park and just walked. At first, I prayed and I talked the entire hour. I felt that it's what prayer and fasting should be. After a while, I would run out of things to say, so I would find alternate ways of saying the same thing. You know... no repeats. After about a month of doing this, I'm not sure how, but I knew this wasn't the way God wanted to have a conversation with me. I knew that I had to just shut up and listen to HIS voice. How could I do that if I'm the one always talking? So, for the first 20 min or so, I would vent my anger, frustaration, fears to the Lord. And then the next 20 minutes I would just sit, or walk the park paths, and just be quiet and listen to God's response. It really calmed me down. So, anyway, if you're in a crisis or you just feel that to be with God requires you to talk and talk and talk, just remember to take some time to listen as well. God quite often talks in a small voice.
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