Toilet Paper

Here's a poem I wrote recently. If people are wondering about the meaning of the poem, I'll be happy to explain it later. Also, I'd like to welcome you to my blog. Feel free to browse around and comment on anything you want. Controversies are welcome =) Oh yeah, and if you do enjoy this blog, please feel free to pass it on to others.

Toilet Paper


I walked around campus with toilet paper stuck to my shoe.
It wasn't big, no more than 2 squares
but everyone noticed it as much as they
would notice a billboard of a half-naked girl
along the freeway.
I wondered why people were staring at me
and some even giggled and shared it with others.
So I glanced at the darkened classroom windows
as I walked to the next class,
subtly checking my reflection. But I didn't see
what they see.
I even sat in class, with my leg crossed
over my thigh, guy-style
and wiggle my foot,
the toilet paper flapping in rhythm
a miniature Olympic rhythm gymnast
spinning on amphetamines.
I talked to friends, with my paper hitchhiker eavesdropping
but no one said a word.
It wasn't until I was back home,
sitting on the very instrument of my unbeknownst shame
that I noticed I had been walking around school
with toilet paper stuck to the heel.

I wonder what the President would do
if he went out to a press conference
with the white tissue trailing behind him.
Would he simply hide behind the lectern
and try to take it off with his other shoe
while delivering his speech like nothing is happening?
Or would he secretly whisper the codeword
into his microphone that would cause the Secret
Service to jump in and tackle him
and the one who grabbed his legs
would have to tear the paper from his shoe and
ball it up unseen into his pocket?
Do you think they put that in their entrance exam,
alongisde "Would you give your life to protect the President?",
"Would you dirty your hands to grab the President's toiletpaper?"?

I bet if a Hollywood starlet walked across the red
with the toilet paper stuck under her Prada shoe,
and when Joan Rivers asks what is she wearing,
the actress would show off that artificially sculpted tan leg and say
demurely into the camera,
"It's a Charmin, two-ply, monogrammed on each square
with 24k gold."
Joan would of course, ooh and aah and later
when she's quite alone in her house,
in front of the full-length mirror,
would delicately lay that newly-fashionable white sheet
down on the ground and daintily step onto it,
pose with her arched heel and nod.

I wish everyone could spend one day like that
oblivious
until they get home,
flushed,
from all their daily accomplishments
and they would step in the doorway
and look down to see they had spent the entire day
with the morning toilet paper.
While they gave presentations, sales pitches,
talked shop and powered through lunches,
their clients and co-workers cooly listened to them,
all the while thinking
"I know where she's been."
Wouldn't the world be a better place if
everyone did that?
Well... maybe...
unless they're movie stars.