Reason 7 - Long Prayers

I have something to confess to you. Lectures bore me silly. I almost always fall asleep during lectures. It’s the passive nature of a lecture that does it for me. All you do is just sit there, and listen to the professor drone on and on about a subject matter so dry and boring, I’d rather lick sandpaper. It’s a wonder how I got through college. I’ve tried all the tricks, biting my tongue, stabbing myself with a pencil, doodling. Eventually, around the thirtieth minute or so, I’m out like a light. And that’s when the lecture is kinda interesting. If the professor starts out boring, I usually start dreaming about 5-10 minutes into the lecture. Oh, and if it’s a video and the lights are out, it’s game over.

I’ve thought about it before, it’s not a problem I’m proud of, and I think I’ve figured out why I sleep. The process usually goes something like this.

Minutes 0-5: Professor talks about the important stuff, like exams, study groups, office hours.
Minutes 6-10: If I’m lucky, the professor has decided to do something different, shows a model or pictures. Maybe he interjects with a funny or personal story.
Minutes 11-15: He’s now using the board to draw some fancy diagrams that are supposedly related to what he’s talking about.
Minutes 16-20: He is now lecturing to the board rather than us. I start checking out the other students around me, seeing what they’re doing.
Minutes 21-25: I start thinking, “I can teach better than this loser!” I start thinking about how I would be better than him.
Minute 26: I’m officially day dreaming about my lecture and how cool and exciting it is.
Minute 27-40: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Minute 41: I wake up. I don’t know how it is I know it’s almost time to leave, but fortunately, I do.
Minutes 42-50: Try to figure out what I missed, and start thinking about what to after class.

It’s because I’m daydreaming, I think, that’s when it’s easy for me to just sleep. The reason I’m bringing this up now, is because, yup, you probably guessed it by now, the same process occurs during prayer. Usually, before my turn comes up, I’m listening attentively for reasons that I have explained earlier. I’m preparing my prayer mentally, and getting nervous about praying out loud in front of people. I’m also making sure that I don’t repeat what other people are praying about. I hate doing that, it sounds tacky to me. I’m nothing if not original. As I make up a list of things to pray about, I’m mentally crossing out things that other people are mentioning. If my entire list is gone, then I go into panic mode, and start bringing out the esoteric stuff, like praying for missionaries, praying for the president (People always forget about him), or just praying about my friends. Of course, during my prayer, I’m not falling asleep. That wouldn’t be good. Plus it’s an active thing, so I wouldn’t fall asleep anyway.

But after I pray, that’s when it gets boring. I’ve done my thing, I’m pretty pleased with myself, let’s check the ole watch. Huh… another half hour or so to go, and there’s only… 1,2,3,4, 5 people left. No problem. I’ll still have time to chat and not miss my show. So, the group will continue to pray, and then (s)he comes along. You know this person, the one who likes to repeat themselves a lot, who prays for everything and the kitchen sink… the Prayer Warrior. I like that word btw, prayer warrior. It invokes an image of a Christian knight, with a huge honking prayer sword and is using it to smite the evil Enemy. I like the word, but not too fond of the person because the prayer warrior is the one who loves to pray. They are rather proud of the fact that they pray every day for 2 hours, and when they pray, results happen. Now, there’s nothing wrong with prayer warriors. You want one on your side when bad things are happening to you. There’s nothing more comforting than knowing there’s someone who is devoting an hour or so to your problem. I always get the feeling that God listens to them more (even though I know that’s not true). But if they are the only thing that is preventing me from eating…grrr.

So, prayer warriors get me drowsy. They will go on and on, praying for everything under the sun. And that in itself is ok, but it’s when they start repeating themselves, that’s when I get turned off and start daydreaming about...you guessed it, how I could pray better. And it’s worse when they repeat themselves 3 times in a row. And they will always interject every sentence with a “Hallelujah” or “Praise God”. That doubles the time they’re praying. And then they like to fool you. They’ll be praying at a good clip, going louder and louder, and then once they hit their crescendo, they’ll start slowing down, and praying slower. So then I’m thinking, ok, they’re going to end soon, and I start paying attention to the prayer again. But then, they’ll be praying for another 10 minutes in the slow pace before they go back to raising their voice again. Aarrggh! They tricked me! And now I’m stuck listening to them because who knows when they’re going to end, they could do it at any time. And I need to be ready for that all important “Amen” at the end. Cause if I miss it or a step slower than everyone else, then everyone will know that I didn’t really pay attention to the prayer. Of course, I really wasn’t, but there’s no need to announce that fact, right?