Reason 8 - Praying for amens

Oops, apparently I forgot to upload yesterday. Well here is this Thurs' column. Mea culpa.

I’m very competitive. It’s in my nature. In my world, there are always 2 people, winners and losers. There’s always 2 outcomes, winning and losing. Now, I’m not saying that I judge people and label them losers or winners. I don’t view people as born losers or born winners. But for that competition, or for that moment in time when the outcome has been decided, there is a winner and a loser. Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose. I accept that fact. I don’t like losing, but I know that I can’t be perfect all the time. I don’t think that I’m a sore loser, but that may be debatable. I guess it’s up to the definition. Is it being a sore loser if I leave watching a game when my team is losing very very badly? I know my team is going to lose, so why do I have to see the end? And it’s not like I’m preventing others from seeing the game, I just usually get up and walk out.
But when I personally lose a game, I’m usually one of the first to congratulate the winners on a good game. I’m honest though. If I feel that the game is lopsided, I’ll tell it like it is. If the teams are truly equal in skill and balance, and if the other team wins, I’ll tell them “Good game”. If the other team is stacked with ringers and we’re obviously overmatched, I don’t, because it was a foregone conclusion.
Since I hate losing, I put my heart and full effort into the game. It’s fun for me when I’m trying my best to win. For me, the goal is the fun, not the journey. I know others are exactly opposite of me, and let’s say, we’ll agree to disagree. Likewise, I don’t enjoy games when there isn’t a clear winner or if the game relies more on chance than skill. Because then, the winner didn’t win because they were better than everyone else, they won because they were luckier. And you can’t rely on luck, but you can rely on skill.
Everything in life is a competition. It’s how I get interested in things, it’s how I better myself. Work is a competition, with my work compared to the number of bugs. If an application I release if filled with bugs, I treat that as a loss. Driving (I probably shouldn’t say this) is a competition. Sometimes I’m competing with myself, kinda like laptimes. How fast can I get to my office today? What are the best lanes to switch to, so that I can get to work or home fastest? Or during lighter traffic days, I try to see how few times I can use the brakes. Sometimes, I’d mark a car in my head, as someone I’d like to beat before I reach my exit. It’s a way for me to gauge how well I’m driving in a particular lane.
I’ve also made prayer into a competition as well. Here’s how I judge whether a prayer is good or not. The number of Amen’s I get during my prayer. However, since I don’t usually pray as long as other people, I have to use a better, fairer yardstick. The number of Amen’s I get/minute. Now, for some of you unfamiliar with this practice, let me break it down for you.
During prayer meetings, I’m not sure why, maybe it’s a trick to get involved with the prayer, but some people like to say “Amen” while other people are praying. Usually, it means that the person really likes what the praying person is saying, so they are letting everyone know that they agree. I dunno, maybe not. At any rate, that’s how I view it. Therefore, if someone prays very well, they will be interrupted with a lot of Amen’s from various people. Sometimes, people get in a rhythm, and they can get “Amens” from every phrase they utter. It’s like a combo, racking up the big Amens. By the way, Hallelujahs count the same as Amens as well. So, I’ll pay attention to the number of Amens other people get. To be fair, I usually only count my peers, not those prayer warriors that I talked about before. I mean, it’s like comparing between NBA and HS basketball players. It’s not very fair.
So when I’m constructing my prayers, I try to maximize the number of Amens I can get. Obvious Amen getters are things talking about the Holy Spirit and the will of God. Praying for other people’s salvation also usually gets some amens. Praying about the future of church, fellowship can usually elicit some as well. This puts a lot of pressure on me as you can imagine. Plus, while I’m praying and getting those Amens, I may reach a point where no amens are heard. That’s not good, and I unconsciously think that I’m not praying well. Then, my mind races to figure out a way to get more Amens again. In effect, I’m tailoring my prayer to what other people want to hear, rather than what is in my heart. And I realize that’s not a good thing. That’s not the point of prayer. Which is another reason why I don’t like to go to prayer meetings.
This is why I don’t like to say anything during prayer meetings. When others pray, I keep silent because I don’t want them to know whether they are doing a good job praying or not. They shouldn’t be praying for our sakes, but for their own heart and for God. If I were to suddenly start saying Amens, I’m essentially reinforcing their subject matter, and if I were to stop saying Amens, I would be silently condemning what they are praying about. Feel free to disagree with me, but this is how I feel. If I could go to a prayer meeting where everyone is silent, that would be ideal. Then I wouldn’t be praying for Amens, but praying to God for help.