Grow a backbone! (pt 2)

So with that being said, what follows is my own personal choice. In regards to relationships, and actually my whole life in general, I don’t give advice unless someone asks me. I have found that time and again, unsolicited advice rarely gets followed. Sure, the advisee may make the appropriate noises of agreement and acknowledgement, and may even say, “I’ll think about it”, but chances are high they aren’t going to listen. I think it’s because they are happy with the decision they have made, so the inertia to change is hard to overcome. However, when they ask me for advice, or confide in me their troubles, that tells me two things. They realize they are unhappy, and they are looking for a solution. Sometimes, the solution isn’t always actually, solving the problem. I know, that’s confusing, but sometimes when people do confide in you their troubles, they’re looking for empathy and sympathy. Often they already know what they have to do, but I don’t know why, maybe it’s the soul that needs reassurance from a kindred soul. Or something like that. Maybe they don’t want to feel alone at a time when maybe the circumstance is isolating them. But other times, problems need solutions, plain and simple. If all you do is sympathize, that’s not very helpful either. They’re asking for help, and they want ideas or they want someone to reinforce their choice. See? Again, a balance must be made. You have to decide in each particular circumstance, whether the person looking for comfort wants encouragement, reinforcement, ideas, or even rebukes.

This is a hard subject to bring up, especially for me, since I’m bad at rebuking. I don’t think I can lecture my kids as well as my dad lectured me. Contrary to this writing, I don’t talk much. I’m very direct, and brief, and I hate repeating myself. If I have to repeat myself… ooo, look out! Also, I’m the type of person that wants everyone to like me. Sure that’s an impossible task, but that’s my nature. So naturally, when I think of rebuking someone, I always ask myself, is this problem serious enough to threaten my relationship with them? Can this be swept under the rug? How mature is this person in handling rebuke? These are some of the things you should be asking yourself, especially if you like to confront people. The Bible treats confrontation in a serious and surprisingly explicit manner. It’s so explicit, that I can’t find it right now… hrm.. anyway, take my word for it! (Remind me to fire the research staff…) Now, relationships fall under the same criteria. Is a relationship so detrimental, that I feel I have to say something about it, regardless of whether I’m asked for my advice? The answer is yes, there are cases like this. My uncle likes to give a famous one during his sermons. A woman approached him one time, and said that God told her to divorce her husband so that she could go to China as a full-time missionary. I know that God would never say that, because marriage is holy to Him.

It’s hard for me to confront people. Often times, I think of myself as being the mature person by letting things slide, but that’s wrong and vain. Or I like to follow Jesus’ example and if someone hits me, I offer the other cheek to be hit. This leads to the perception that I’m laid-back and naïve or easily taken advantage of. However, I know that I can’t do that all the time in every situation, no matter how comfortable it seems. There are genuine times when I do have to stand up to someone and let them know that what they’re doing is wrong. And I’m comforted in knowing that I have done it, and even though they still didn’t listen to me, at least my spirit is ok. I listened to the Holy Spirit, and whatever happened really was God’s will.

Now that I’ve read my words, I have become emboldened! So watch out when you meet me, I just may give you a piece of my mind! (And that’s why I’m single)

Update: Since writing this, I happened upon a Bible verse that has made me reconsider my previous words. "Yet Michael the archangel, in contending with the devil, when he disputed about the body of Moses, dared not bring against him a reviling accusation, but said, “The Lord rebuke you!”" (Jude 1:9) This was an extreme example given by Jude in response to early apostasy. In the early church, some "Christians" had crept in and started slandering God, Jesus and the whole religion in general. Jude wrote that even Michael, one of the generals of the angels, often considered God's right hand man, even he wouldn't dare say anything bad about his nemesis, Satan, himself. Instead, he said, "God rebuke you." So I amend my previous statements. Instead of rebuking someone, you should say, "God rebuke you." Y'know, kinda like what you say after someone sneezes... but opposite-like.