Grow a backbone! (Pt1)

If you’re a passenger in a car and you see that the vehicle you’re in is about to drive off the cliff, you’d probably say something, wouldn’t you?  Yeah, that’s an easy/loaded question.  Of course you would, you’re in the said car that’s about to go off the cliff.  Any normal non-suicidal person would say something.  It’s in their best interest to… their own.  I would even postulate further that a serial murderer would at that point shout something out, like “Watch for the cliff, watch for the cliff!”  So, I’m gonna make the question a little harder.  What if you’re the one driving and you see the car ahead of you looking like it’s going to drive straight off the cliff?  What would you do then?  Well, that question is still not that hard a question if you’re a moral person.  You’d probably honk to wake up the driver or just to let him know what’s going on.  It’s like a warning beep: “Hey, you, idiot driver!  You’re about to drive off a cliff!”  But there are some people who are afraid of using the horn, or have never used it and so forgot they even had a horn.  Now let’s dial back the example even further.  What if instead of about to drive off the cliff, the car in front is driving recklessly, and in your expert opinion, dangerously.  In the review mirror you saw how he’s passing cars using the incoming traffic lane, and he’s cutting people off and being a general nuisance (to put it lightly.  I’d have called him a $#%%#!) .  Now this car is directly ahead of you, do you honk him to let him know he’s being a danger?

Ah hah!  I’m betting a lot of you wouldn’t dare honk him.  Either you don’t really care, or it’s not your business, or he might have a gun and shoot you back.  This is America, after all, home of the gun-owner.  Well then, how about a friend?  He’s driving in a manner you believe as dangerous, and you are all caravanning.  Would you call your friend up and tell them, “Hey, you’re a maniac driver!  Slow down!”  Now, let’s replace the car with a relationship.  So you see a friend in a relationship that you know is going to end up in a disaster.  Again, will you tell your friend, “Hey, you’re dating a maniac! Slow down!”

If you’re like me, the answer would be no.  I, for one, would hold my tongue and let the whole thing play out. Grab some popcorn, and just sit back, it’s better than Springer!  Well, without all the cursing and throwing of chairs.  Yeah, I know, that’s part of the fun!  No, seriously, I wouldn’t tell the person because relationships are a sticky business.  You don’t want to get in the middle of a rocky relationship.  There’s a Chinese proverb about that as well.  I’m sure there’s a Biblical verse as well, but it’s probably not as catchy as the Chinese one.  “Don’t be in the middle, Don’t be a bondsman, and don’t be a matchmaker, or you’ll be cursed for 3 generations.”   Hrm… well, it’s more catchy in Chinese… it rhymes and everything.  The first “Don’t” is the one I’m talking about right now.  Don’t get in the middle of a fight between two friends, where one will tell you her problems, and then the next night, he will tell you his problems, and they look to you to solve their relationship issues.  (BTW, my typical solution is to just get them together in a nice fancy restaurant, the kind with the bad lighting and where chefs like to dress up the food in weird nature scenes and then ask them to lean toward each other and then bonk their heads together.  Believe me, it works.  They get so mad at you, that they end up siding with each other.)

The other excuse I’ve heard, but I have yet to use, is that it’s God’s Will.  Meaning, that this relationship is God’s will, so who am I to challenge God’s Will?  The problem with that is you are assuming you know what is God’s will.  A tall assumption, to be sure.  How do you know that this relationship is, in fact God’s will?  You don’t.  Just like, how do you know it’s not God’s will that you break up the relationship?  Granted, ultimately everything is under God’s control, and all things happen according to his design.  It might be a comfort to know that everything is not in your hands, but in God’s hands.  But, we can’t stray too far in the extreme.  Knowing that all works out according to God’s will doesn’t absolve you from your inactions.  This isn’t a case where we just sit back, and do nothing and enjoy the beautiful albeit temporary view.

It’s a tough thing to marry faith with action.  As Jesus said, “Faith of a mustard seed will move a mountain.”  Likewise, it’s the same Jesus that said, “Go out and make disciples of all men.”  You can have faith as big as a mountain that your friends and family will be saved, but that’s only half the battle.  You also need to do something about it.  As James said, “Faith without works is dead.”  The Bible isn’t making this easy for us, nor should it.  If this thing called Christianity was easy, we’d all be assured a place in heaven, and we wouldn’t need faith.  This is why every Christian is unique, and most likely why God loves each and every one of us.  It’s how we balance faith with works, love with rebuke, joy with grief.