Siblings->Church

Since the book of Acts and thereafter, the authors started calling other Christians as brothers. This practice was taken to the extreme by the Catholic Church as a ranking order within the Church. Those who haven’t taken the priesthood vows are called Brothers and Sisters. However, they perform the same work as priests do. Those who have taken the vows are called Fathers and Mothers. In the Protestant Church, we call everyone within the church “brother” and “sister”, just as the early Church leaders did. But have we really thought about the implication of those words?

There’s one verse in the Bible that has really made me look at church in a totally different light. “Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.” (1 Peter 3:8-9) Most likely, you have read this passage before, and thought to yourself, “Yeah, I love my brothers and sisters.” But have you really thought about that word, love?

One time during fellowship, we were talking about this topic. And several people answered that yes, they do love everyone in the fellowship, but they don’t like everyone. Wait a minute, that sounds wrong to me. How can you love everyone but not like everyone? Isn’t love a deeper feeling than like? I can see people liking each other, and not loving one another, but not the opposite. Imagine yourself in the secular world, or in the world of relationships. Can you say to your significant other, “I love you but I don’t like you.” What does that mean? You care about the other person and yet you can’t stand to be around them? What?

Perhaps it’s a case of different definitions of love. People who tell me that they can love someone but not like them often say they feel agape love for the Church. Well, whatever you call it, it should be the same love that Paul describes in the now famous passage, which is quoted in 3 out of 4 weddings. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Co 13:4-8) For me, I have a simple test for love. Would I die for this person?

That might be a little too extreme, even though it is the exact kind of test that Jesus made for all of us. Here’s a more palatable test. “If someone is hanging on the edge of a cliff, would I risk my life to save them?” Well, that question is a pretty easy one to answer, as I’m sure a lot of people would risk their lives to save complete strangers. It’s the humanity or the soul of a person to do such. More accurately, the question should be phrased, “Given the myriad ways to save someone, such as calling for help, using a rope to lower yourself down, or simply try to rescue the person by yourself, which method would I use to save this person?” See? It’s too wordy to make a very good test, so I shortened it. But the intent is the same. The question hinges on how important the person is to you, and correlates that fact with how urgent you would try to save that person. For example, if your mother was hanging on the cliff, you probably wouldn’t give any thought on alternative and safer ways to save your mom. You’d probably just dive down and grab her (unless of course, you hate your mom or something). Now imagine the same scenario for your SO, teacher, or finally someone you dislike, like say the IRS agent or the guy who just cut you off!

Anyway, I’m getting off-track here as usual. My point is, if you didn’t like someone, would you be willing to risk your life for him? Probably not. At the very least, you’d call people for help, or maybe you’d throw him a stick or something to pull himself up. But if that’s the case, is that really love? Let’s look at Paul’s definition again. Love is not easily angered and keeps no record of wrongs. That is a key point, one that many people conveniently forget. One of the major reasons you don’t like a guy (or girl, ok I’m having hard time coming up with gender-neutral synonyms, so from now on, any time I refer to a sex, I also mean the other sex too) is because he did something to you, rubbed you the wrong way maybe. Maybe he’s got some habits you just can’t stand (gossip, flaking out). But love doesn’t keep records. So it should be a blank slate every time you meet him. That’s what love is. So for me, love has to mean you like the person, because love is a deeper emotion.

Before signing off, I will grant one thing. Like can also be defined as a temporary thing. For example, I love my sister, but there are times when I don’t like her. For example, after we have an argument, I might not like her for a little bit. But that doesn’t mean I don’t love her. Love is more permanent. If you use that argument for not liking someone, that’s fine. I accept that. But in reality, I don’t see this as always the case. When people don’t like each other in the Church setting, it doesn’t seem to be a temporary thing. Rarely do they make up and start hanging out with one another again. This is not the case with my sister. Though I may not like her for some time, I know that we will like each other again, because we have that foundation of love. Sorry for the long post, but hang in there, I think you can almost see where I’m going from here. If not, wait till next time to find out!